Of Lazy Christians and Teachers Turned Cheaters

When I was in primary school, one of the many pranks that we enjoyed was writing something on a piece of paper and sticking the paper on the back of an unsuspecting fellow pupil. The messages ranged from “Kick me” to “I am stupid” and everything in between. Oh heck, yes I hang my head in shame but in my defence, er,  I have said over and over that at I was young and foolish.

Well, fast forward to when I went to college and many times I would walk in the streets of Nairobi and wonder if I still had some lingering sticker on my back saying “I am gullible”. I cannot begin to count the number of times a guy would approach me and whisper in my ear “Gold chain! good price!” and others would say “Earrings! Pure gold!” and yet even others would not ask but would simply shove the items on you and say “sema bei (state your buying price)”. One thing they all had in common is that this offer was always accompanied by furtive glances to any passerby.  Even if the thought of buying these attractive ornaments crossed my mind, the demeanour of the seller was always enough to stop me from making a purchase ...However, that is not to say that I hated gold and would have been ashamed to own several pure gold accessories. In fact, owning gold is not forbidden in my clan just so you know!

On the other hand, as I walked in town, I also noticed how the stores that sold gold were heavily guarded and in fact most of them the doors were not left wide open, oh no ... the doors were closed and the askari positioned there to control who got in and who did not. Oh yes,  those askaris had power to vet long before terrorism that saw devolution of askari authority.

I began to questioned why would these jewellery store owners invest so much in security and yet they could easily have hawkers peddle their precious metal on the streets of Nairobi. What was the difference in the wares? The glaring difference for me was that the ones in the shop were more expensive. And not just expensive in terms of cost but even in the way they were handled. The guys in the shop had a certain TLC (tender loving care) manner in how they handled the gold they sold and their customers.  They treated customers who came to purchase gold with a certain reverence. Yes, I remember once going to collect a pair of rings with a couple for their wedding and as we sat waiting, we were offered cold drinks and some Indian sweets. And not even one person shoved anything to my face nor did anyone whisper anything in my ear! In fact, the only furtive glances were mine ... I kept wondering why they were being so nice to us ... again do not judge me, I am born and bred in Nairobi therefore am suspicious   ok, borderline paranoid. Do not roll your eyes at me!

Well, my conclusion was pure and simple, what was in the store was pure gold ... it even came with a warranty. Oh did I mention that for their first anniversary my friends received a call to wish them a happy anniversary and also let them know that they were entitled to one free polishing of their rings and they could bring the rings anytime before their 2^nd anniversary. I told you the customer care rocked!  

 

Here is the thing, there has been media frenzy on fake pastors and men and women of God who pray and prey on the public. It is sad. It is very sad. Actually, it is not just sad but downright annoying for me. It is the kind of thing that fills me with the kind of righteous indignation that makes one throw a brick to the TV set!

And for the record my anger is not at the media fraternity per se. To them it is plain and simple, they are receiving money to air these mpastors, in fact if it was not for them, many of these mpastors would never have been heard of.

But today, I need to speak to the Christians ...seeing that we are a country that is said to be 80% Christian. For the record, I have always doubted that figure mainly because it assumes that one is a Christian by default ie, am not Hindu, Muslim, atheist etc so I am a Christian but that is a conversation for another day.

Beloved, as a flock we have a responsibility for our own spiritual growth.  We can approach God directly seek Him for ourselves. The bible is available for many of us and we should learn to pray for ourselves. Yes, there is power in corporate prayer but guess what, my God is does not play hide and seek ...if you seek Him, He shall be found. And finding Him is not subject to status, sex, religion, tribe or even subject to any human control ... infact, He is a God who desires we find Him! The word of God says, the word of God is alive and active ...read it and it has the power to transform! Seeking God is not even a function of education and my late great grandfather was testimony of that.

Let us get off our comfy seats and stop being lazy Christians ... just the same way no one can do push ups for you, no one can seek God on your behalf and you simply give him money ... not your pastor, not your bishop and not even me! In fact I will take it a step further and say many of us operate with God as though we can manipulate Him with our money. You know how roll, I have sinned and depending on my perceived gravity of that sin, my offering on Sunday shall be reciprocate to my shame and guilt. 

Seek God while He can be found and work out your salvation with trembling and fear. What happened to thirsting for the Lord as a deer thirsts for streams of water? Why have we reduced Christianity to a form of witchcraft? Nipe nikupe? 

Over the years, the one verse that has guided and guarded my heart as I have grown in my Christian walk has been 2 Timothy, 3:15 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.

It therefore means that every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another—showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God’s way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us. This means that even without a pastor, the Word of God can speak to me ...simple plain ME! Yes, pastors have a role but they are not, cannot be held responsible for my personal spiritual growth. 

Stop approaching God with the "naomba serikali" mentality. This attitude stinks of hopelessness and a resignation to the forces of fate!!

Back to the guys selling gold in the streets ... well one common complaint I heard was they had been sold fake stuff and yet the buy had bought it thinking the price was too good to ignore. So at a tender age I concluded if you buy cheap gold in the street and you find out you have been conned, you have no one to blame! 

You see these preachers are a disgrace to Christianity and are an affront to the faith I profess and possess.  But in all these,  I am yet to hear of a case of a pastor who held a gun to someone to send them mpesa, we willingly do this. Giving is NOT wrong. However, why are we giving? Are we giving so that we can be able to gain access to the Heavenly Hypermarket where blessings material abound and we want to KDF heaven and exit with heavy laden paper bags? Stop treating your encounter with God as the ultimate shopping experience where prayer is the parking lot of the divine mall! 

In fact, if that is what you have reduced your God to ....the master storekeeper and your pastor the shop attendant ....then I dare say you deserve to be conned!

Finally to my dear brothers and sisters, one thing every banker will tell you is that when they are being trained on how to identify fake currency, they spend hours studying the real thing. They learn how it feels, its features and basically everything that pertains to that note. That way, when a fake one comes, they will check it against the real and immediately spot the fake. Remember fakes are many but the real is only one.  One thing I know from experience is that if you seek for yourself and study the Word of God and the truths therein, you will know when someone comes you with their lies ...  because you know the truth that ALWAYS sets one free.

And for these so-called men / women of God,  I say be afraid, be very afraid for even though the Lord tarries to deal with your ill gotten wealth, His judgement on you shall surely come because while He is a gracious and merciful loving and forgiving God, He is a God of justice and it will be a horrible thing for you to fall under into the hands of an angry God and yes, your actions must anger Him ... woe unto you who have taken advantage of people who came to you ... you wolves clad as sheep! 

As for the media guys, I say to you this, if someone approached you with a 300 shillings note today, you would know it is fake and you would  not fall for it. At the same time, the reason there are fake pastors is because there are real ones. They are not memorizing mpesa numbers ... they are soaking themselves in the word of God and not just preaching it but living it. Seek them  ... they can be found.

Beloved, if the man or woman of God quotes an mpesa number more often than he/she quotes the bible, if you long after you have left church all you remember is “mbegooo” .... RUN BABY RUN!!

I am a Kenyan

Have you noticed how when someone gives you their business card you look at their title and mentally make several assumptions about them?   This happens regardless of how long you have known that person. Think about it, what would be going through the mind of Obama’s mother (God bless her soul)  if she read his business card today? As a mother I can try and answer that …pride, joy and excitement that I taught him well. Probably fear and concern that the job may be too demanding for your little boy. Worry over his wellbeing. Is he spending enough time with his family? Will that power go to his head? Is he making the right decisions?  May be even anger that had he listened to you and eaten his carrots, there would be no possibility of ever having to wear glasses when reading the state of the union address.   And of course, oh gosh, I really did ask him to stop with the cigarettes and now he is in trouble with Michelle on the same….

Whilst I have never been president (at least not when am awake), there have been titles that I have heard that I keep wondering if the bearer is sure he knows what that means.  I never cease to be amused about how superfluous some titles really are. I once met a guy who introduced himself as a Social Media Communication, Engagement and Negotiation Analyst and Strategist aka Facebook Addict.

However, there are titles that I have that were bestowed upon me by the blood of others. Yes, I will go there, I am a Kenyan and I am a Christian. For both to be blood was shed at a certain point. One happened with no input on my part and the other, I willingly chose to be.  But guess what, since being a Christian is a choice overnight I could decide to be a Muslim or a Hindu or an Atheist … an anythingist or even an everythingist as it were. Gotta love this freedom of choice thing!  I would not need to sign anything or even consult anyone. I could simply change and move on.  It would be between me and my God or whoever I perceive him (or her?) to be.

Not so on being Kenyan. You could argue that I could change citizenship but like I have stated, that is not something that would change overnight.

From my observation, when something one has “automatically” received something, it is easy to disregard, disrespect and dismiss the value of it. And there are times I think that we as Kenyans do exactly that. We have taken being Kenyan for granted. We have taken having peace for granted. We take freedom for granted. Do we not learn from what our neighbors have gone through? Is Rwanda completely lost on us? Is the 2008 post election violence forgotten? You want to know how good we have it, just talk to someone who has widely travelled this continent, with the exception of may be South Africa and Egypt we are way ahead of many African nations. Do not get me wrong, we still have things to improve but I like what the desiderata say, do not compare yourself with others but compare yourself with yourself and with time.

It therefore baffles me that for a country head and shoulders above its peers in many fronts, elections and campaigns for electoral office are equivalent to a national root canal.

There must be a way we can have a different opinion and express that respectfully. Elections really should never have to be a life and death affair.  I am glad that this time around, there were stringent standards laid out for advertising and the quality of messages that candidates have released are refreshing.  Clearly, some thought has gone into these and that is a good thing. I believe that insults and violence are an indicator of a scarcity of ideas and are a shortsighted approach to our future as a nation.

Gladly, sanity is returning to us a nation and many are speaking out. I read something profound from a dear friend the other day. The gist of her message was if the only reason you are voting for your candidate (for presidential, gubernatorial, senatorial and all electoral positions) is so that you can scoff at the supporters of the other candidates, to prove them wrong, to let them have it etc, then you have do not love Kenya. We should all ask ourselves why we have settled on a certain candidate.

We should focus on getting in good candidates and not voting out so and so.

As we go into elections in a few days, many Kenyans have worked hard in different initiatives to try and ensure that we remain united and in peace before, during and after elections. Many are working to ensure that the elections will be free and fair. Our institutions have been strengthened. Our citizens are being informed.  One observation I have made is how many of us have realized the depth of our national anthem. It is indeed a profound prayer. It has been sung in offices, in schools, in sporting events, at the movies, in places of worship and I am sure that is not in vain.  And that is why I find the idea of 1 people gathering in different places a 1 o’clock on 28^th February to sing the national anthem as 1 amazing. There must be something deep and committed about a people united regardless of age, sex, color or creed and forgetting the differences that so easily divide us.

Remind yourself of the lyrics and really think about how profound they are. http://28feb.co.ke/national-anthem-of-kenya/

It am reminds me of a story I heard about when Columbus discovered Africa (forget the argument that Africa was always there for a minute), there were people so interested in understanding the experience and so they frantically sought his diary chronicling his travails. Well, they were disappointed as there were days his entry was simply “We sailed and sailed and sailed.”  Of course had there been women keeping that diary, we would have more details but I digress.

One day, our children’s children will read history and they will be wondering why so many believe in singing the national anthem? Why did this evolve into a movement? What was the point? Would it not have been easier to give up and move away to another country?

I am sure someone will be writing history. I am sure someone will read.  I am sure some will say we gathered and sang. Some will say it was fun. Others will capture the intense feelings of nationhood that brought. Others will praise the initiative. Still others will participate proudly.

28^th February. At 1pm. Stop. Sing the national anthem as 1.

I know what my diary entry will be.

“We prayed and prayed and prayed.”

Do not vote popular, vote Wise!

God bless you all. God bless Kenya.

Leadership Starts With Me

Let me start by explaining why I have not posted something on this blog for a while now. The obvious first, is that for a while there I was so caught up in motherhood and too sleep deprived to think straight. Secondly, as we began the year, the time I had promised myself to resume blogging, I found myself struggling with should I start afresh get a new blog and all. Well, this was informed by the fact that I really wanted to share my thoughts about leadership, the upcoming elections and wanted to engage others on the same and that is serious business. So I thought that could not, should not and cannot be on the same place I wrote about my hair (or lack thereof it you ask my son!).

And as I struggled with that, two things happened , one was that time did not stop still awaiting my decision and so the month moved on, yes despite the fact that January has 103 days, these days did come to an end as I dilly dallied with making a decision. Number two was the realization that as I was thinking about this whole issue of leadership and how it should be taken seriously which just like marriage should not be entered into lightly but I digress … I had a flashbulb moment! That right there is part of why we have some of the challenges we do. We think leadership is an “item” on its own in our day to day lives and must be given time, thought and attention and since there are other things jostling for my time, thought and attention … “leadership” gets forgotten. Leadership gets ignored. Leadership is too time-consuming.

 By the way, this is not about bashing the middle class because that horse has been flogged to death.

The danger of thinking of leadership in isolation is that while you and are busy “thinking” about it, someone else who has not thought it through per se or one who is not caught up in analysis paralysis is leading you! And this is particularly visible in political arena in Kenya today. Am jolted by the letter from the opportunist (read typical Kenyan politician):

                   Dear optimists, pessimists, and realists, 

                            
                   While you were all arguing over the glass of water, I just drank it. 

                                  
                    Sincerely, Opportunist. 

So yes, it would be nice to think, hope and pray that those that have offered themselves are able but upon closer inspection that clearly is not the case for a good number of them. Guys, Kenya is too important to be left to the politicians.

So why do capable and at the very least sane Kenyans steer from stepping up?

In my opinion, it is all about our ideal versus our reality. And the gap in between is our frustration.

In the last couple of years with the clamor for good governance, there are certain words we have thrown with reckless abandon. One such big word is transparency. Throw that into politics and it is expected that miraculously, the hidden things shall come to the fore. Sadly that has not been the case.

Reality is, transparency seems to have been mixed up with other words and so while we thought transparency would translate to honesty, it does not. Transparency does not translate to clarity either. To further make a fine mess of things, transparency has been confused with nudity! And then trouble really begins.

Transparency preserves dignity whereas nudity embarrasses.

Transparency allows for critical analysis while nudity elicits scorn.

Transparency fosters growth unlike nudity which stirs mockery. 

Transparency teaches and nudity cheats.

Unfortunately, we have been left with nudity while what we desired was transparency. You see, our politics has become so mucky that anyone who genuinely has the interests of Kenya at heart will not venture because it is akin to wrestling with a pig…you both get dirty but the pig enjoys it.

I am convinced and persuaded that even from the get go leadership should be understood in a personal context. That is why we are said to be “leading our lives”. That means we are all leaders whether we know, acknowledge, accept, appreciate and do it or not! The fact that you are not making conscious decisions to “lead” your life does not mean that you are not leading it to a certain direction, you are! You are passive about it instead of active but life is going on to the direction of your leading or lack of!

To lead can be defined as to “play a principal or guiding role” and this clearly is not by fluke.

So what would l like to see on March 10, 2013? My response just like many of you is “a peaceful and united Kenya”.

How do we get there? We lead our lives in a way that suggests we desire, nay demand a peaceful transition. 

How do we do that? We take the responsibility to stand up for peace in our homes, places of work, places of worship and yes, even in social media.

We cut the doublespeak of speaking about them and us. Those people from that tribe. Even referring to them as our in-laws will not make that negative thing we say about them more palatable!

I will be happy to see a peaceful Kenya and how do I get there?

I internalize the words of Mahatma Gandhi, Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. 

A peaceful Kenya cannot just happen we must lead Kenya that direction.
 That leadership starts with me.

Believe in the Dream you Conceive

Hhmm, where to start ….I am feeling like I have been unfaithful to my blog for the last 3 months or so especially because during that period of time I have spent lots of time reading other peoples’ blogs. Some of these were blogs that guys who read my blog asked me to check out and I discovered many great blogs. Indeed, some of them were so great that I found myself thinking if these so called readers of my blog were hinting that I needed to pull up my socks!

Truth is for a while there I was sure my blogging days were over. I kind hoped I would get a good excuse to completely convince me to shut down my blog! I had blogged for over a year and I believed that it was time to move on. I honestly believed my blogging days were gone until last December when I had gone for function somewhere and I was the MC for the day. At the end of the function, as usual I stopped to sign some autographs and as my security team fought of the frenzied fans, a certain young man threw himself in front of my car and said if I was not going to leave my husband for him, there was no point of being alive.

Ok, so I may have stretched the truth a bit… but hey, I need to make sure you are still with me!!

But seriously, I was emceeing the function and after it ended this young man (true story!) asked me if I was really the Mueni of the musings blog. You see, when the host was giving the vote of thanks she happened to mention that how we met online. I was shocked because I never really thought that I had male readers in that age group and so I mumbled yes. Maybe he was from the blog police and was here to arrest me …anything I said could be used against me in a blog of law. Or maybe he would just pinch my nose.

As we began to chat, he told me that he was a poet and had a whole collection of poems. He said I inspired him. Then he asked me how come I have not posted any new blogs in a while. Honestly, I fumbled for an answer and he said something that I will not forget in a long time. He said he read my blog because I kept it real and it had “soul”.
Being the slow gal I can be at times I was not sure if he meant it had “sole” and therefore I should leave the blogosphere …. you know how these young people talk in parables. Well, only after I got home did I realize he had paid me a compliment!

Well, he also said he will bug me till I go back to blogging or at least unfriend him on facebook. I thought it was an empty threat.

I was sooo wrong! Every so often he would send me a message of facebook and ask me about my blog. He told me he was convinced my blogging days were not over. I began a barrage of excuses why I was not up to the challenge of keeping the blog going. At one point I told him the truth, er, the half truth. That I was working on a new project and I really did not think I had enough time to do that and to blog regularly. He argued that he believed I could do both, women were great at multitasking! I told him he could not understand why I cannot do that. Today, I am grateful you did not listen to me Mark!

You see, am on a nine month project that has kept me pretty busy worshipping the porcelain goddess for the last 12 weeks. Get that look off your face, I have not found a new religion, I have just been sick, morning sickness … all day long! For those whose train of thought is still at the boarding station … I am pregnant!!

There have been days when I have been so sick and wondered if and not when the nine months will end but at the end of week 12 things changed and now I am much better. Soon I will be unable to see my toes but I am fine … I will still be able to feel the toes anyway …I-cannot-see-the-air-yet-I-know-it-exists- coz-I-breathe-it-kind-of-thinking :-.

Being expectant has been a reminder of how with God preparation is necessary for potential to be fully realized. Yes, the nine months can be excruciating but they are necessary. If I tried to have this baby at week 4, we would not be talking of a baby. The nine months are necessary for the development of the baby’s entire genetic code – gender, hair color, eye color, height and even personality. How it all fits into my belly I will never understand but it is all part of the miracle of life.

Believing that I will make it through this season is essential. I need to believe that at the end of it all, I shall hold a healthy baby in my arms and when I envision that glorious moment, my current discomfort and the expected short, painless and did I say very short, labor then becomes something I can look forward to because I know how I want this journey to end.

It is the same with whatever dreams you have.

If you allow the obstacles, challenges and inconveniences to overwhelm
you, you will lose hope and the dream will be prematurely terminated. It will become a dream aborted. A destruction of potential before it has a chance to be realized.

Abortion is a tragedy that denies the future the value contained within that life. The value contained within that dream you are carrying.
Sometimes birthing a dream may seem like a long or even a wrong road due to the challenges but I can assure you that God is not caught off guard. He knew that your dream will be threatened all along. He equips you to make it through the storms and sustains you in the midst of the storms. He is right there, spurring you on to be all He says we can be.

I do not know what your dream for 2012 is, maybe it is to start a business but your proposal has been turned down several times, to pursue a course and yet you do not have the fees, to be a singer and another door has been shut on your face again. Someone says you are not good enough, talented enough, educated enough or that simply you are not worthy to want more than you already have. They may have made you feel insignificant and small by rejecting you or your idea.

You must choose to overcome these potential destroyers or they will take you away from your destiny and thwart your future.

Do not let fear, past experiences, current circumstances, disappointments, rejection, criticism, hurt, insecurities, offenses, unforgiveness or ignorance cause you to give up and abort your dreams.

Protect the dream you are carrying!

Happy and blessed 2012 you’ll!

Stone Soup Story

Someone shared with me this story and I cannot get it off my mind and my heart. I love the lessons and I think it is so real especially for where we are as a country.

Once upon a time, somewhere in post-war Eastern Europe, there was a great famine in which people jealously hoarded whatever food they could find, hiding it even from their friends and neighbours.

Three soldiers trudged down a road in a strange country. They were on their way home from the wars. Besides being tired, they were hungry. In fact, they had eaten nothing for two days.

"How I would like a good dinner tonight," said the first. "And a bed to sleep in," added the second. "But that is impossible," said the third.

On they marched, until suddenly, ahead of them, they saw the lights of a village. "Maybe we'll find a bite to eat and a bed to sleep in," they thought.

Now the peasants of the place feared strangers. When they heard that three soldiers were coming down the road, they talked among themselves. "Here come three soldiers," they said. "Soldiers are always hungry. But we have so little for ourselves." And they hurried to hide their food. They hid the barley in haylofts, carrots under quilts, and buckets of milk down the wells. They hid all they had to eat. Then they waited.

The soldiers stopped at the first house. "Good evening to you," they said. "Could you spare a bit of food for three hungry soldiers?" "We have no food for ourselves," the residents lied. "It has been a poor harvest."

The soldiers went to the next house. "Could you spare a bit of food?" they asked. "And do you have a corner where we could sleep for the night?" "Oh, no," the man said. "We gave all we could spare to the soldiers who came before you." "And our beds are full," lied the woman.

At each house, the response was the same -- no one had food or a place for the soldiers to stay. The peasants had very good reasons, like feeding the sick and children. The villagers stood in the street and sighed. They looked as hungry as they could.

The soldiers talked together. The first soldier called out, "Good people! We are three hungry soldiers in a strange land. We have asked you for food and you have no food. Well, we will have to make stone soup." The peasants stared.

The soldiers asked for a big iron pot, water to fill it, and a fire to heat it. "And now, if you please, three round smooth stones." The soldiers dropped the stones into the pot.

"Any soup needs salt and pepper," the first soldier said, so children ran to fetch salt and pepper.

"Stones make good soup, but carrots would make it so much better," the second soldier added. One woman said, "Why, I think I have a carrot or two!" She ran to get the carrots.

"A good stone soup should have some cabbage, but no use asking for what we don't have!" said the third soldier. Another woman said, "I think I can probably find some cabbage," and off she scurried.

"If only we had a bit of beef and some potatoes, this soup would be fit for a rich man's table." The peasants thought it over, then ran to fetch what they had hidden in their cellars. A rich man's soup, and all from a few stones! It seemed like magic!

The soldiers said, "If only we had a bit of barley and some milk, this soup would be fit for a king!" And so the peasants managed to retrieve some barley and milk.

"The soup is ready," said the cooks, "and all will taste it, but first we need to set the tables." Tables and torches were set up in the square, and all sat down to eat. Some of the peasants said, "Such a great soup would be better with bread and cider," so they brought forth the last two items and the banquet was enjoyed by all.

Never had there been such a feast. Never had the peasants tasted such delicious soup, and all made from stones! They ate and drank and danced well into the night.

The soldiers asked again if there was a loft where they might sleep for the night. "Oh, no!" said the town folk. "You wise men must have the best beds in the village!" So one soldier spent the night in the priest's house, one in the baker's house, and one in the mayor's house.

In the morning, the villagers gathered to say goodbye. "Many thanks to you," the people said, "for we shall never go hungry now that you have taught us how to make soup from stones!"

The moral of the story is that by working together and everyone contributing just a little, a greater good is achieved.


You may be in a situation where you see what needs to be done but we are all looking at our limited resources. Everyone will guard their own resources.

It is time to bring out the stones because it is only by sharing that we may make a feast

So go on, start making your stone soup today!

Blessings y'all!

Tribute to Wangari: Attitude Meets Action

As a country, yesterday we woke up to the sad news of the demise of Professor Wangari Maathai, the first African female Nobel Laureate.

You will agree with me that Wangari never did things half heartedly. She led from the front and did not just say what needed to be done. She had the courage to go out and do it. Her list of achievements and awards is very long and yet, I do not believe that any time she acted it was in pursuit of these accolades. Her message was simple … take care of the environment as nature is unforgiving. I recall in an interview soon after she won the Nobel Peace award someone asked how the two were related. She was quick to point out that many of the wars were as a result of competition for diminishing and / or limited natural resources.

I am at a place in my life where I have concluded that may be I do not need to be learning new lessons. Not because I have reached the epitome of learning but because I am digging up the benefits of the things I have been learning over the years, applying it and am reaping the benefits.

You see, many are the times we get so busy pursuing the latest book, latest movie, latest course, the latest song, the latest inspirational speaker, blogger (hint hint), author and yes, even preacher. We get excited but we never get around to implementing the things we are learning. We store all these knowledge waiting for the “moment” to come when we can implement it. The timing is never right so we do not act. Finally, when we decide our excuses have become old, we begin to look for short cuts, we start chasing the fads.

15 Steps to Wealth

12 Great Ideas to Avoiding Divorce

10 Stages to Lose Weight

8 Ways to Resolving The Past

6 Revolutionary Ideas to A New You

5 Commandments of Parenting

3 Days to Peace

When does this silly chase end?

There is a saying I like, wherever you go, there you are.

Your attitude follows you. You can change jobs, change friends, change partners, change neighborhoods and even change churches but there will be no change in any of these areas until you change yourself. You need to change the man (or woman) in the mirror.

You do not need to hear another sermon, read another book, attend another course or seek yet another mentor because you now need to get up and start implementing the lessons you have learnt so far! OK, you are allowed to keep reading this one blog but not more than 7 times a day :-)!

Do not even get me started on the way we Christians make our excuses sound good by saying we are praying over the situation or we are waiting for a sign from God. I am not saying do not pray nor am I saying do not seek God’s face on an issue. I am saying do not become a collector of prophecies and wear them like charms!

I tell you the truth it does not matter how many times Billy Graham prays for you over the Harvard scholarship that T D Jakes prophesied would be approved the application will not submitted itself!

So this week as many discussions are being held on how best to honor Wangari, a woman who inspired the world in so many ways, it is simple … start where you are and just become a humming bird. Your efforts may seem insignificant but they can make a difference.

Obviously she had faith but she more importantly, it was not a dormant faith, it was a faith backed by action and commitment to the cause. Her attitude and actions were intentional and focused.

For the record, my bible says faith without works is dead. Works means action …ACT!

Infact, that same bible has a book on the ACTS of the Apostles.

Your greatness lies in your attitude and actions.

Rest in peace Wangari Muta Maathai, you who planted many different types of trees so that we may enjoy the shade.

Blessings y’all!

Smack ....Let Them Go

Sometime back I committed myself to post something on this blog once a week. It was mainly based on the selfish realization that when I share what I am learning, then my lessons become real. I guess it is the logic behind learning how to swim. You can stand at the pool, stare at the water, visualize yourself in the water and even "become one with the water" but until you get into the pool, you cannot learn how to swim! So in a way, when I share my journey, it makes me reflect on the lessons more deeply.

There are times when I need to relearn certain lessons. There are times when I need to be reminded, no, corrected, ok, recharged.

Today is one of those days when I need a smack on my head and after digging up this old gem, I am feeling sufficiently rebuked.

Let Them Go By T.. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

LET THEM GO!!!

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

LET THEM GO!!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... ..

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you! u have a bad attitude.... ...

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him.........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. ....

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. ....

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ............

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

'The Battle is the Lord's!'

Blessings y'all!

Responsibility ... Take It Don't Leave it!

The other day I was watching Dr Phil and I was astounded by the issues that there were discussing on international TV. It just felt wrong, kinda like I was peeping into their house, well actually more like their bedroom given the details they were airing. And that got me thinking about how this was no different than what you hear from Maina and King’ang’i every morning. You do not say such things on air.

Such shows just make me want to call my mama coz she will deal with them appropriately … the callers will get a smack on their backsides and the viewers/listeners will not be spared either, she will expect them to find something better to do! And smack you for good measure lest you forget and tune in again.

Please allow me to flog an already dead horse but hey, I have a whip and this is a horse that really needs to be flogged and the fact that it is dead will not stop me! As a country we have seen the repercussions of people refusing to take responsibility for anything. People die and they best they can say is that they were not aware that there were people who did not have food. Or things that are man-made being declared an act of God. Corrupt deals happen right under your nose and you were not aware and therefore cannot be held to account for it. REALLY???

It must be clearly stated that the buck must stop with somebody and if that person is you, will you please do the honorable thing and accept that you dropped the ball?

I wish this malady was unique to government but sadly that is not so. It is in private institutions. It is in our families too. And nooo, it did not end there either, it has infected individuals.

It just seems like there is a certain aversion to taking responsibility for your life. It is always somebody else who is at fault for your actions or lack thereof.

Well, guess what, the word responsibility can be split into two words, response and ability.

The secret is to sharpen, develop and cultivate your response ability to the things that come your way. Do not blame. Do not throw tantrums. Do not waste your energy on things that will not help the situation. Situations may be beyond your control but both your response and ability are all within your control.

Complaining and procrastinating and making excuses will not cut it either.

Seek wisdom that will give you the ability in all situations to exercise good judgment, temperance, discipline, diligence, flexibility, decisiveness and at other times even humility. These will empower you to think at a higher level and make decisions with lasting positive impact.

I have had to honestly look at myself and daily commit myself to successfully change the things that I want to change and improve those that I want to improve. I have also learnt how to request for help and how to graciously receive this help for any situation I may be in.

I am learning that being responsible leads to a multitude of opportunities for new lessons and am discovering the true joy of growing into the extraordinary woman I am created to be. My opportunities are now endless!

I am empowering myself, by taking responsibility for myself!

If you are still stuck, mama taught me how to smack backsides real good and I would be glad to smack you for free!

Blessings y'all!

The Knots Prayer

A friend tagged me on this prayer on facebook and it was amazing how it really spoke to me at that point and time. It is such wisdom in such few words.

Troubles are like shadows that follow you around, the more you turn your back to them and the faster you walk from them, the bigger they grow
But turn around and face them, half of them retreat and shrink before your eyes and the other half just get up and go.

I particularly found myself praying that as God unties the knots, may I not tie new ones.

Dear God:

Please untie the knots

That are in my mind,

My heart and my life.

Remove the have nots,

The cannots and the do nots

Erase the will nots,

May nots,

Might nots that may find

A home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots

Would nots and

Should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all,

Dear God,

I ask that you remove from my mind,

My heart and my life all of the “am nots”

That I have allowed to hold me back,

Especially the thought

That I am not good enough.

Amen

Author Known to God

Just Call Me Gullible

I am a sucker for sob stories. I have listened to them by the truckload. I have cried over some of these stories. I have gone into my pocket and given. There have been times I have stood in front of the mirror looking for the badge on my forehead that says “sucker”!'

I particularly remember one day in early January, 2008 calm was just returning in the streets of Nairobi after the post election chaos. I was going to the salon to have my hair done when I met this old man who gave me the story of how together with his family they had lost everything in the clashes in Eldoret. He was living in Jamhuri Park with a large family and a new born grandchild. The grandchild bit did it for me. Right there and then I decided my beauty treatment could use some trimming. I gave him some money. The life of a child was at stake!

A couple of months later, I met this guy again. This time his story was that he had travelled from upcountry to see his son but upon arrival to the young man’s office, he was told the guy had travelled and now he had nowhere to go. He had used the little man he had coming to Nairobi and now he had no money to go back home nor did he have a place to spend the night.

Did I ever mention I have the memory of an elephant? May be even the body size of one but hey, my size is not today’s topic!

I asked him if they had moved out of Jamhuri Park. He looked at me puzzled. I reminded him that in January he had lied to me he was an internally displaced person. Then again, he really was an IDP, intentionally dodgy person.

As I stood there looking at him, I was not angry. That was surprising for me. I expected to be angry but I was not! Was I losing my ability to lose it?

Instead, I felt sorry for the guy.

Then I remembered a commitment I made sometime back.I had purposed a couple of years before to listen to all sob stories.

Growing up in Nairobi, street families were a common sight. Large crowds of parking boys were a scary norm. It was common to pass by and given them some coins to buy something. Sometimes to even buy them bread and milk when I felt sufficiently philanthropic. Fast forward many years later and there was a time when hawkers and street families had taken over the alleys in town. One evening as I was coming from work, my watch was snatched, ok more like ripped off my wrist and as I absorbed the shock, I resigned myself to being a statistic of Nairoberry and at the same time thanked God that I still had my bag. The next day, as I was walking home, some guy calls me by my nickname. Now, that is a name only known by guys who grew up in my neighborhood. He told me that he was sure I could not remember him but he was among the parking boys that I had bought for milk and bread in years past. He was now all grown up and was hawker, he even had a stall in town. His name was Zakayo. He had witnessed the snatching of my watch the previous day and he was here to return my watch. So much about hawkers and street families not having boundaries.

It was one of the few times in my life I was left speechless!

So you see, I will continue listening to sob stories. Of course there are those times that I can tell when am being conned. When a story sounds kinda familiar. When I can poke holes in a story. When there is something wrong with the picture.

I decided that yes, I may be conned but what if that one person was genuine? What if their story was real?

I have learnt to decide that if they have conned me out of some coins then that is between them and their god. Between me and my God, I will do what I am convicted to do.

I can openly confirm that people have been very gracious to me in so many ways. People have held my hand. People have given to me in kind and otherwise. Strangers have given to me. Strangers have been used by God to light my path.

It befalls me to light the path for someone.

If someone has ever done anything for you, do something for someone, a stranger or a friend without any intention of collecting on your “investment”.

Human beings were not created to be self-sufficient. We will always need each other. God uses people to bless others.

Nothing you do will be in vain. Do not be jaded by all the fraudsters out there.

I have chosen not to harden my heart.

Forget the skeptics.

Ignore the cynics.

They must not win.

Blessings y’all!

A Choice & A Journey

I have met people who hold grudges. You know the angry kind that walk around with a scowl on the face. I like to chuckle and believe that some of these guys walk around with a copy of their birth certificate and each time they meet a doctor, they refer to the said document. Daily, they desire to meet the doctor whose name appears on the darn document because that doctor slapped their newborn bum and they want revenge for pain afflicted!

Following last week’s post on forgiveness, I received many responses and questions on my inbox. I also had the opportunity to chat with some of you about the whole issue of forgiveness.

The one question that was asked by several readers was how to deal with really deep hurt that goes beyond the minor conflicts in the office, home, or even the chama. The pain of the "real" world of violence, deep loss, pain and trauma.

Forgive me this post is kinda long :-).

Well, I am obviously no expert in the field of forgiving and so I can only share from my personal experiences.

Forgiving is acknowledging that you cannot change the past and that by dwelling in that past, you will be held captive by it. Forgiving enlarges your future.

A couple of years back, someone near and dear to me was shot and later died after we were carjacked. I was angry. Angry with guys who shot him. Angry with him for dying. Angry with doctors for not saving his life. Angry with God for letting him die and me also for allowing this pain to come into my life. Angry with myself for feeling all this anger.

It got so bad, I had developed ulcers and they were bleeding. Funny thing I remember about that period of time, I never cried. I felt numb. My eyes were dry. I did not want to feel anything. Anger was all I needed.

With time I began dealing with this but it would seem that I began forgiving with those that were furthest first. The killers and the doctors were first on the list. I started consciously seeking to see good in strangers. The effect of that was being reminded that not all strangers were evil. I also spent time just talking to my friends who were doctors and learning that when they lose a patient, it impacts them and it is not just a statistic.


Forgiving myself, forgiving Charles (the deceased) and making amends with God was another story.

It took me 5 years to get there.

Just like the effects of poison in container, the anger corroded my insides. My relationships suffered. On the outside I was smiling but it was a fake plastic smile. Thanks to a job that entailed dealing with clients I knew how fake a smile and say all the right things. I could sound as perky as the birds at the drop of a pen. My acting should have won me an Oscar!

But what options did I have? I had to go on and so the best that I could do for myself was put all these into a box and lock it away. Once in a while I would remove the box, have a pity party and then lock it away again. This would happen on the anniversary of the incident. I was in control as you can see. I just had to keep my feelings in check and things would be ok, time will heals.

In the meantime, the corrosion continued. Why was time not healing this wound?

How could I logically explain what I was feeling? That I was angry with a dead person? That I was angry with myself? And about being angry with God, was I even allowed to voice that?

For the journey to begin, I unwillingly found myself in the hands of a counselor. Unwillingly because I only showed up for counseling because it was mandatory for the course I was taking. I did not even think I had anything to say to her …it was a perfect waste of the 20 hours of mandatory therapy that I needed to graduate.

With time and lots of patience from the counselor, I was ready talked about the incident. It was astounding the details I remembered. You see previously, when I talked about that incident, I talked about it as a detached party. One would never believe that it happened to me as I showed no emotion about it.

But not on that day, I was no longer numb. I felt the freshness of the pain. My memory was vivid. I remembered it all. The jeans I had worn and even the yellow shirt. I could not stop the details from flooding my mind. I remembered everything. I sobbed like a baby. I remember meeting a classmate at that time and she asked me what was wrong as the effects of the sob session showed on my face. I told her my friend had died. She hugged me. She told me I should take time off class and yes, she was even willing to attend the funeral with me. You see, the poor girl thought he had died the day before because we had been in class together the previous day and I was ok. So you can imagine how nutty she thought when I told her he had died 5 years ago!

Crying never felt that good. I cried for all the things I had given,
only to have them stolen.

Long and short of it, that crying signaled the beginning of my journey.
Many times forget is thrown into that forgiving equation with the cliché “forgive and forget” but is that always our reality? I like what Carol Luebering says on the issue …. you cannot forgive what you refuse to remember any more than you can seek treatment for a disease whose symptoms you have yet to notice.

So I had to get to that place. Only what is revealed gets healed.

Looking back today, I am glad I took the longer journey to forgive. You should not be pressured to forgive. In the book - The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive And Don't Know How, Lewis B. Smedes talks about fast forgivers. He says they tend to forgive quickly in order to avoid their pain. Or they forgive fast in order to get an advantage over the people they forgive. And their instant forgiving only makes things worse...People who have been wronged badly and wounded deeply should give themselves time and space before they forgive...There is a right moment to forgive. We cannot predict it in advance; we can only get ourselves ready for it when it arrives...Don't do it quickly, but don't wait too long...If we wait too long to forgive, our rage settles in and claims squatter's rights to our souls.

I am not sure what you did or what others did.

You must start by forgiving yourself. Why yet you are the one who was wronged? Before you dismiss me for being silly let me explain that.

Sometimes even though you were the one wronged, you may be angry with yourself because you were wronged! You replay the situation over and over in your mind and you blame yourself for not having done things differently. May be if I had not ignored my gut feeling this would not have happened. If only I had paid attention to the details.

You may even be unable to forgive yourself because the person that you wronged has not yet forgiven you.

Please do not allow your self-forgiveness to be contingent upon somebody else's readiness or willingness to forgive you. They may get something out of holding on to anger that they are not ready to let go of. They may be too frightened or wounded to let go of their anger. Feeling angry may be an important part of their healing process at this time. Allow others to be where they are. Respect their right to feel the way they feel.
What others feel and how they deal with it is NOT your responsibility. It is not even within your control.

Sometimes choices are made in the name of forgiveness while what is occurring is not forgiveness at all. It is important not to confuse being forgiving with denying your own feelings, needs, and desires. Forgiving does not mean being passive and staying in a position that clearly does not work for you. It is important that you are clear about who you are and what your boundaries are. What is acceptable for you? If you are willing to allow unacceptable behavior again and again in the name of 'forgiveness,' you are more than likely using 'forgiveness' as an excuse not to take responsibility for taking care of yourself or as a way to avoid making changes." (Robin Casarjian - Forgiveness: A Bold Choice For A Peaceful Heart).

So you may be wondering what about my relationship with a God I was angry with because He allowed this pain to come my way.

Well, once I forgave myself for being angry with God and then took my achy breaky heart to Him. I gave Him all the pieces.

The healing and teaching balm made me look at the five years that had passed since the incident.

I cried as I counted my blessings over those years. You see, even though I was angry with God, He had not withheld His blessings from me. His plan for me was still for good and not for evil because all along they were to give me a future and a hope.

I was just too caught up in the past to realize it. Too blind to see.

Unforgiveness blinded me...it does that you know.

He revealed to me that had I held on to that relationship, the relationship He had in store for me would never have come. You see, even though my fiancé had died, God had brought my way the husband He had had in store for me all along. He had even given us a child as a result of that union.

I cried in shame. For five years, I had taken His blessings for granted.

The husband I had, the baby among many other blessings ...I felt I was entitled to them ….after all, He had taken away my fiancé! He owed me!

But God convicted me to be honest about the kind of man Charles was before he died. For the first time, I allowed myself to examine the relationship we had. The man God had in store for me was more patient, more forgiving and more secure to allow me the freedom to grow into the woman God would have me be. God had been preparing him all along you see.

I counted my blessings, named them one by one.

And more than that, He was still reaching out to me to restore me for His namesake.

How could I be angry with such a God? I cried for having been too foolish to see His goodness for me.

For me, forgiving was not an event, more like a process.

So friends, forgiveness is not about a set of behavior or a formula. Just because this is what worked for me it is not the prescribed path. It is not the only path. You need to find your own path.

Forgiving is not for the weak, it is a reserve of the strong as Mahatma Gandhi said.

It is a bold and courageous choice.

It is a personal journey.

Yet at all times, it is ALWAYS an attitude of the heart.

Blessings y'all!

Forgiven and Forgiving

Forgiving is not easy.

But what is the alternative? Not forgiving is simply the bitter option.

Unforgiveness means we desire to hurt the people who have wounded us.

It is like the little boy who was sitting on a park bench in obvious agony. A man walking by asked him what was wrong. The boy answered, "I'm sitting on a bumble bee." "Then why don't you get up?" the man asked. The boy replied, "Because I figure that I am hurting him more than he is hurting me!"

In our daily interactions misunderstandings and conflicts are bound to arise. Friends and family will rub you the wrong way. And with certain people, it may not be the first time they do that to you. So it is really not like being stabbed by a friend …it was more twisting of the same knife they used some time back. At those times you are convinced the reason they did not take the knife with them was because they KNEW they will come back and twist it. Malicious aforethought as our learned friends would say.

It is easy to find justifiable grounds to hold a grudge. You are not really holding a grudge, you are just protecting yourself!

But this is what I have learnt from experience, holding a grudge is truly not the way to go. It causes me more damage than good. I lose my inner peace. I am irritable. I feel angry. I feel guilty. And physically, my heart pounds and I get a headache and sometimes a certain “something” in my tummy.

I have learnt that it is better to forgive than to feel emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially and physically sick.

I am cut off from who I am, from who God is and from the person or persons that I am angry with.

I forgive you if your first reaction is to be impressed by me but before you send that recommendation for me to be initiated into sainthood, I will remind you that I am human, fallible and weak.

There have been times when I have been wronged and been so intent on holding on to a wrong done against me.

I say intent because not to forgive is conscious decision.

Forgiving is among the few things for which the good book offers a prescription.

Yes, we have a daily dosage for forgiving on a daily basis, 70 times 7 times a day. I believe that the reason we have this prescribed dosage is not so that we can keep track of the number of times we forgive in a day but it is more to keep us in a state to forgiving on a daily basis.

If you are like me, I enjoy the Galitos bottomless coca cola with their meals but I cannot go and simply seat and order bottomless coke.I must have a meal that meets their terms to qualify for the unlimited coke. In the same way, I cannot simply expect others to obey God on the issue of forgiving and thus be a recipient of their forgiveness. I must also obey God and forgive as well. It is the cycle of life.

I was sufficiently rebuked to learn that by refusing to forgive, I am making several statements loudly and clearly with my actions.

One, that I am worthy of being forgiven but you are not worthy enough to be forgiven by me.

Secondly, that my grudge and holding on to it is more important than restoring my relationship with you. May be even indirectly saying that my grudge is more important than the person I have chosen not to forgive.

And as I have pondered about this, it became obvious to me that being unforgiving is a fruit of pride and self-righteousness.

I should base my forgiveness on what God has done for me, not on what another person has done to me.

Realizing how completely I am forgiven should produce in me free and generous attitude of forgiveness towards others. Indeed, when I do not forgive, I set myself outside and above God’s law of love.

So go on …forgive.

I am learning to let go and forgive.

In fact I can say when it comes to forgiving … I was blind but now I squint.

Each One Reach One

You will agree with me that the goings on in Kenya in the last month or so have left many of us wondering where this society is going to.

I am not talking about how one Mutua is collecting nyonga points on behalf of the government or how it has become evident that KRA is pursuing a ponyoka na MP strategy when it comes to taxation.

I am not even talking about the raging debate on when elections will be held whether in 2012 or 2013.

Yes, it is easy to point out the peculiar Kenyan habits when it comes to national issues. Remember that the drought situation was predicted last year.

And yet this is not a reserve of government only.

All around us, we have situations that we need to respond to. We have situations that are clearly spiraling downhill.

Worst still, we have people that are spiraling downhill ….and fast.

You may all recall the tragic death of Samuel Wanjiru a couple of months ago.

A friend posted on face book that she had heard of the things that the athlete had been up to in the months before his death and she was concerned. He seemed to be out of control in many ways. She tried to speak to people who could reach out to him. Unfortunately, before her efforts could bear fruit, he jumped to his death. Many were quick to say that they saw it coming and so when he tragically died, it had simply been a matter of when and not if.

Wanjiru was buried after much drama and we swiftly moved on.

There has been new drama in the block starring Mike Sonko.

We are watching everything he is doing with disgust. We are complaining why the media is giving him coverage. We are wondering why the Madaraka residents elected him.

Well, I am from Madaraka. Hhmm, once Kalembe Ndile was my MP in shags ….oh dear, clearly I have the scourge of comical MPs but that is not my point.

You see whilst both men may have provided comic relief and disgust at the same measure, universal suffrage is to be blamed or thanked depending on which side you are on! Think about it, even as we have seen the antics of Sonko and thought he was the worst thing before the rebranding of Kenya Power, he actually has following. Recently, I took a walk and talked to some people in this constituency. Sonko is their hero. Sonko pays hospital bills. School fees. Burial expenses. Sonko touches their lives in a very real way.

Whilst to many of us he may not even be worthy of a second glance, there are people who are eternally grateful for the day their paths crossed his.

Yes, we may question the source of his money. Yes, we may not like his style. Yes, we may look at his followers with disdain. But would you look at a gift-horse in the nose? Is it possible that needs over-ride everything else?

God forbid that you may think I have been paid to hold brief for Sonko …but I am realizing that I need to look at him (and many other Sonkos out there) in new light.

I once saw on news that Sonko has a wife and a kid.

So everything he does affects them directly or indirectly.

Now, if I was going around doing foolish stuff, there are people who would stop me if nothing else, for the sake of my child and possibly even for the sake of my hubby.

So could we get off our pious pedestals and see that Sonko represents hope for a people so disillusioned by life? Unmet needs have a way of doing that.

Whilst you may not be able to reach out to Sonko or quite honestly, you may not even have any intention, inclination or persuasion to do so, you could reach out to someone else.

You may have a neighbor, a colleague, a relative, a family member who seems to be struggling with something. They may be dealing with it in a way that does not make sense. In fact, they may be behaving in a way that completely disgusts you.

Could you look beyond that and reach out?

Many times I have learnt to see myself in such a person. I am learning to think to myself …. There goes I save for the grace of God.

It is hard. It may even be unthinkable.

But it is doable.

Sonko may not be the one on your plate or your radar but there is someone you can reach out to.

We can make the difference. One person at a time.

I am talking about how as a society, it seems that we seem to have become masters at bolting the shed after the horse has fled.

Could you do something for someone who is heading for self-destruction before it is too late?

It is hard. It may even be unthinkable.

But it is doable.

We can make the difference.

Each One Reach One.

Comfortable Discomfort

In the last couple of months my comfort zones have been under attack.

I have been learning to let go of familiar things, people and places and reach out to new ones. And that is easier said than done.

Comfort zones are familiar and familiar things are comfortable. Or are they? They only seem comfortable because it is what you are used to. The people, the surrounding, the situation, the state of mind have all become familiar. Even the complaining has become familiar. Who knew that whining could be such a strong bond between friends?

Think about it, some of our friendships are in essence support groups. We come together, moan about stuff and then go back to our miserable situation till the next time we meet to moan again. Funny how that never gets tiring?

So I have been embracing the changes in my life. I have also begun embracing new people. Get the smirk off your face of course my husband is aware am embracing new people!

So why am I excited about the changes that are happening in my life?

First, failure to embrace change will not stop change from happening. It is said nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come. The waves of change are indeed unstoppable, I can close the doors but change will sneak in through the window and slap me silly. Sometimes the cost to pay for denial is too much!

Secondly, unless I get to that place where I am ready to let go of the old, the new will never come. This is because two things cannot occupy the same space. It is either the new or the old. You cannot have the new old or the old new. Never! My heart wants the new. Craves the new. So the old must go!

Third, change is the only way I can move from my problem to my promise. I need to move from talking about the good old days. I cannot become woman I need to be if am not going to let go of woman I used to be.

Finally, if I ask for a makeover, I must be ready for a makeover! You see, as a woman every so often I will go to the salon because my hair looks bad and needs Ben’s magical touch. Ben is the one who waves his wand over my head regularly. It would be ridiculous for me to tell Ben, I need you to do my hair but please do not touch it. Do not change anything. Do not do anything. But after 2 hours here, I will want to look different when am leaving. Sounds silly right?

Well, we do it every day.

We ask God to take us to the next level but we start complaining when we are being shaken. When changes are taking place we whine. When the old is being taken away we complain that the days of persecution are here. You scream for communal prayers, the devil is attacking you. You fast for the changes to stop.

Will you make up your mind!

You may be on the edge of a new experience and you need a push from frustration to victory. From pain to power.

That push is CHANGE.

Embrace it. Enjoy it.

Let it evolve you.

Log in My Eye

I seem to write alot about traffic. Maybe it is because I spend so much time seated in traffic. I have learnt that in Kenya there are some things that are becoming predictable.

If you voted for Sonko, his style of leadership will always mock you.
MPs will find always find a new way to shock you.
Traffic will always choke you.

Hhmm, traffic makes me wax lyrical!

Needless to say, I hate sitting in traffic jams and if I am going to sit in traffic, my anger or lack of it will depend on the reason behind the traffic jam.Let me explain, zero level anger if there are children crossing, I will even throw a patient smile into the package. Medium level anger for a driver whose car has broken down in traffic and if the driver is a lady, a pitiful smile she will recieve. You know the kind of smile that says, tuko pamoja (we are together) even as I comfortably sit in my car as she haggles with the rogue roadside mechanics. If the cause is a matatu misbehaving, I will have finally found an outlet for my pent up anger. My anger with my boss. My anger with my client. Did I mention I am angry that the Beckhams chose a ridiculous name for their baby gal? Harper Seven? Do not wonder where that comes from ... I have misplaced anger!

I even believe that traffic is mentioned in the bible. My bible says there is a time for everything. Yes, traffic was even prophesied … Be still and know that I am God. That verse has been so relevant when I have been tempted jump traffic lights.

So you can understand my frustration the other day when after having driven all of 5 minutes from my house I was caught up in traffic. Then I heard on radio that most of the roads in Nairobi had been turned into parking lots, the presidential motorcade was the reason for our nightmare. I seethed over how cops cleared the roads for the presidential motorcade even before the president boarded his flight from whichever country. I complained about how the president’s handlers should take into consideration all factors when confirming his itinerary and some basic ground rules to get us started.

Never should he leave State House on a Friday. Never venture on the road at the end of the month. Never should he go anywhere after 4pm on any weekday.

Does he not know what traffic the ordinary citizen goes through? Hhmm, do not even get me started on how that phrase “ordinary citizen” irks me. And my whining did not end in there, I gave it posterity … I posted it on face book! And so with like minded individuals, we whiled away time or was that whined away time? Well, I looked at my watch and only 25 minutes had passed.

And as I sat there, I began to make peace with my long wait. I told you traffic had spiritual sprinkle. I figured instead of getting angry, I might as well fantasize. And since I was going to fantasize, why not make it grand. I can afford that ….it may still be the only thing I can comfortably afford given the state of the economy any way!

I wondered what it would be like to be the president for a day. As I thought about the things that I would be able to do on that day, I quickly realized that this dream needed to be scaled. You see, there were so many things to do and being president for a day would not help anyone. After all, that day would all be taken up in the business of being sworn into office. A week would not be enough either, State House has too many rooms and I would need time to tour my home. A year would be necessary to just settle in to office and read all the books on protocol. Ok, I would not read them per se but someone has to read them and then brief me.
It occurred to me that it was totally unfair to give a president only two five year terms as per the new constitution. There would be sooo much to do and such little time.

And then I started thinking of the ways in which I would save time.

To begin with, I would never waste time sitting in traffic. I would have people clear the road for me as I attended to important state issues.

And then it hit me that it was exactly for that reason I was seated in traffic.

My anger dissipated. I patiently sat in traffic for 3 hours.

Yes, we are all culpable.

Speck. Brother’s eye. Log. My eye.

Blessings y’all!

Healed by a Smile

I got a call from my friend this morning and he told me about the passing on of our mutual friend.He died peacefully in his sleep last night. They found him in bed this morning with a smile on his face.

Babu’s smile has warmed my heart in such a special way since I met him in 2009.

You see I met him the first time on 8th October, 2009. Yes, I remember that day vividly.

I had been invited to speak at a forum in Kisumu, a huge group of about five hundred or so. One guy unnerved me. He was seated at the front. He was introduced as the head of some organization and was also head of the delegation from Congo. I guessed he was about sixty years old. He had been given the cards of each of the speakers.

When I stood to speak, he looked at my business card and then looked at me.

Removed his spectacles and looked at me again. Back to the card. Me again.

Slowly mouthed my name. Shook his head. Placed the card on the table and wrote something on the back of it.

He just stared at me. It was unnerving.

Was it not bad enough that my presentation was on homosexuality? Yes, I felt like a wet lion in den of daniels.

During the presentation, there were questions and as expected, the discussions got heated. Very heated. After all, we were discussing homosexuality and the church in Africa. But this guy never said anything. I could not read any expression on his face. He was not hostile. He was not smiling either. He was just staring at me.

When we took a lunch break. He picked his meal and took his place at a corner. He continued staring at me. He had still said nothing. This was getting creepy.

Why was he staring at me like that?

Well, meeting ended and as I was packing my laptop and stuff up, he came to me and asked what I thought were the most ridiculous questions.

He asked me if I used to own a smallish white car in 2002. He asked if I used a certain route to work every morning at that period in time. He asked if I used to leave my house at about 7.15am. I said yes to all this questions. After a brief pause, he slowly quoted the registration number of my first car, KAE 951N. This was getting creepy.Who was this guy?

Then he stretched his hand and I shook his outstretched hand. My hand disappeared in his huge hand. He was big and burly. Then his face cracked a smile. Then he started laughing. A loud thunderous laughter while still holding my hand.My whole body vibrated as he roared. Then he asked, "Can I hug you?" And before I could answer, he grabbed me and hugged me. Tight.

The only reason why I was not yet screaming is because there were other people in the room.

When he finally let me go and I was breathless, disheveled and ready to run for dear life,he said the most amazing thing. He said I saved his life.

By this time you could knock me down with a feather. Yes, me and all of my none-of-your-business kilos.

Then he started to explain.

You see, at that said time of his life, his only daughter had just passed away in the UK where she was a working. Medical reports revealed she had died HIV/AIDS related complications. She was in a same sex relationship. He had sent her there because he believed it was easier and safer for her. Homophobia was too rife in Africa. She had been all he had. Her mother had passed away shortly after Jenny his daughter was born. He was hurting and lost and angry with God. He wanted to die. Yes, he was a very successful business man but he wanted to die. Life had lost meaning. For a year, everything was mundane. He was also struggling with drugs and alcohol. He was 66 years and he was tired.

So where did I fit in all this?

Well, apparently, something I used to do in traffic made a difference in his life.

I used to smile and wave at total strangers in traffic!!

You see, for that one year when all was bleak,this guy looked forward to my wave and smile. I reminded him so much of his daughter. I had a smile like hers. He looked forward to seeing me every morning. I looked so alive and happy. I made him believe there was hope.

He sold his company, made a handsome profit and went to UK and undertook a degree in Psychology.

He then made peace with a God He had been angry with for so long. A God he had sought all his life. He was now running an organization that offered psychological support for those in same sex relationships.

This was the first time he had come back to Kenya since December 2002.

He said he never forgot my face and when he planned his trip to Kenya, he told God he hoped he would meet me. And there I was.

By this time,my tears had started to flow freely.Ok, I lie. I was sobbing like a baby. When my sobs subsided, I explained.

You see, I had lost my boyfriend in a car jacking incident early that very year and I feared driving. No, I hated driving. But I had purposed to go on one day at a time. So every morning, I woke up and said, "The joy of the Lord is my strength." I had to convince myself even before I began my day! I would get into the car and smile. Smile to total strangers. Wave at total strangers.

I figured that as long as I was smiling, I could not cry. I had cried for so long and I needed to start smiling.

There were those people I met in traffic daily and I would wave and smile on the way to work.

Smiling at strangers was therapeutic for me.I could not be angry with the world if I was smiling at the world.

Babu cried. I cried. We had a bond.

Babu never called me by name. He always called me Malaika.

We kept in touch. He would call me when he would be in the country and we would meet for a cup of coffee. Always Java. Always cappuccino. Always Sugarless. He always chided me for having a sweet tooth, just like Jenny had.

And he regularly sent me text messages. Sometimes just one statement ....I am praying for you.

Last time I saw him was when he diagnosed with prostate cancer late last year. He had come to see a doctor in Nairobi and together with some friends, we prayed with him. He did not want to go through chemotherapy. He was at peace. He said he was ready to meet his daughter and his wife. He said his work was done. He said he wanted to go home.

And this morning, at the age of 79 years, Babu went to be with the Lord with a smile on his face.

In God's way, my pain had healed Babu's pain. Yes, we had both been healed by a smile.

You were so brave Babu. When we spoke and you were in pain, you always asked me not to cry but to smile. You told me my smile healed you. And when you were to weak to call or text, you used to text me a smiley face.And I would send you 2 smiley faces. You would send me 3. And we could go on and on, trying to out smile each other as it were.

So even today as I mourn your passing on, I will not cry Babu ...I will smile. I cannot cry as long as am smiling.

I promise to smile as they cremate you tomorrow.

Yes, once again my heart will be healed by a smile.

Say hi to Jenny and her mama.

Say hi to Charles too. Tell him I am happy. Tell him the story of how a smile healed me when he died. How the same smile healed you.

Yes, it is still a smile even as tears roll down my face.

Rest in Peace Babu!!

Chapatti People

Let me start by declaring that I am a good cook.

Now that we are telling the truth, I need to also let you know that I make horrible chapattis. Who said chapattis must be round at all times? And as fate would have it, I got married to a man who can happily eat chapattis for breakfast, lunch, dinner and all the snacks in between. As for our son, the apple fell from the same tree or was it the chapatti from the same pan … am sure you get my drift!

Before I admitted I could not make chapattis, I spent hours trying to learn how to. Sat at the feet (or is it hands) of those adept in making them. Learnt the doughs and dough nots.

A friend who is gifted in making culinary delights once told me that making chapatti is a relationship. You have to keep working at it. It takes time, tenderness and patience to make the perfect chapatti. However, she lost this student when she said the dough needs to feel my love!

And yet there are such people in our lives. It does not matter what how hard you try, with them nothing ever seems to turn be right. If there is a fault to be found, they will find it. In fact, even if there is no fault, they will still find it. They ask the nosy questions. They ask them loudly. Their words are hurtful and hateful. Their sole purpose seems to be to teach you, nay, to try your patience. They seemingly cherish watching their words make others squirm.

They will ask you why your boyfriend of 5 + years has not yet proposed. And when will you have a baby? And how come you are not looking for a better paying job? Are you not planning to buy a house? Is it not time you got a new car?

For some reason, your answers are never good enough for these people. They do not know that your boyfriend has already proposed but you are not ready for marriage yet. That you have gone through a battery of tests together with your hubby in your search for a baby. That the job that you have fulfils you in a way that money cannot. That you are saving for the down payment of your dream house. That another car is not in your list of priorities right now.

They simply do not want to hear what you have to say. They do not care.

You only need you to hear what they have to say. Forget the fact that it is your life … they know what is good for you.

They are only saying this because they love you. They only want the best for you. So what if they have to kill you as they demonstrate this! Real love is not for sissies!They seem committed to literally love you to death.

They justify their insensitivity.

Indeed, they uphold the principle of equal opportunity. They disrespect everyone equally. They dislike all and sundry. Everyone who interacts with them will get a whiff of their negativity, their bitterness and their anger. It seems like they are discontent with everything. And they do not stop there, they are not just dissatisfied with their own life they are dissatisfied with yours as well!

Sadly, they make you second guess your life choices. Worse still, they may even make you doubt God. You see sometimes they ask you the questions that you have been asking God. Yes, the very questions that have seen you pounding on heaven’s doors.

I have learnt to refer to these special breed as the chapatti people.

One of the reasons that I have not been able to make chapattis is because I tend to think that effort must be seen in the results. It is for this reason that I will gladly marinate ribs for a week and loving turn them every 2 hours if that is what the recipe says. Why? Because the meat appreciates it and the final product is testimony to my effort. Not so with chapattis. It does not matter whether I spent an hour or a week lovingly preparing them, our relationship is doomed as they still turn out wrong!

These pain-inducing people could be your family, friends or colleagues, there is no escaping them,they are all around us and you cannot avoid them.
What is one to do? I learnt from Dr John Stanko that there is only one way to deal with this people, label them EGR – extra grace required. Grace not to strangle them.Grace to respectively tell them to back off.Grace to be gracious even when they are not.

It does not matter how hard I try, I can never get it right when it comes to these people. And that is ok with me. If I am good enough for me, why is that not good enough for you?

So next time you encounter a chapatti person, slap on them some EGR … they will be more palatable!

Blessings y’all!