So I have been unwell for the last couple of weeks and it has been really depressing ... I tried conventional medicine and had some challenges with that and since am not one to be left behind by fads, herbal concoctions were pushed down my throat.
It is not that I do not trust doctors ...it is their receptionists I have a problem with. Last time I tried to visit a doctor, we had a ...er, misunderstanding as you will see.
I arrived at the clinic feeling a little under the weather. Ok, that right there is a problem "under the weather???" So when you are feeling fine, what are you, over the weather? above the weather? on the weather? in the weather? or simply the weather? But I digress...
Anyway, back at the clinic and after walking up the flight of stairs and I wondered, why the stairs? just to make sure you really are unwell by the time you see a doctor? Could you change your mind on the stairs? Or are they to make you more sick ... like a value added service kind of favor from the doctors' union?
Oh well, finally made it to the receptionist who was busy on phone ... she was instructing someone exactly how she wanted her dinner prepared.
ME:Good morning (I gasped! those stairs!)
RECEPTIONIST FROM HELL: Yes (wondering why am interrupting her call)
ME: I would like to see a doctor please
RFH: That is what people do here (she finally tells the person preparing dinner not to put salt in her food ...it seems last night's dinner had too much salt and it made her not sleep well, she had to keep going for a short call after every 45 minutes all night long... yes, I really needed to know that)
ME: Could I please see a doctor? (thoughts of strangling her flash in my mind)
RFH: We have different doctors, a cardiologist, chiropractor,colonist, dermatologist,gynecologist,hematologist, neurologist, psychologist, psychiatrist, pediatrician,internist, ophthalmologist,cosmetic surgeon. a pathologist in case you need an autopsy and yes, we also have a vet. So, which doctor?
ME: (mind reeling from that list and wondering how long it took for her to cram all that?)What do you mean witch doctor?
RFH: Yes, which doctor?
ME: (why is she shouting?) Witch doctor? You have one?
RFH: WHICH DOCTOR? (standing up now and really showing me what shouting is)
ME: Witch doctor? Really? (surprised)
RFH: WHICH DOCTOR? (shouting, hands flailing and now jumping up and down on her desk menacingly trying to reach my neck)
ME: Witch doctor? Since when? (calmly)
RTH: SECURITY!! SECURITY!!
I did not wait to see who or what "security" was ... I ran down the stairs and started shouting " Am healed!! It is a miracle! I could not walk up the stairs but now am running!!"
Well, after I caught my breath I was still unwell but no, I was not going to see another doctor. They all have receptionists.
So I turned to the next best thing to get my diagnosis .... the wierd wide web. Listed all my symptoms and viola ... I have ebola!
I then posted the same symptoms on Dr Facebook and in no time at all, I had friends telling me all sorts of recipes for herbal concoctions to take to cure me.
Yes, I am feeling better now, thanks for asking.
I have also learnt that if I boil a teaspoonful of ginger, a pinch of rosemary, 3 tablespoonfuls of lemon juice, a dash of cayenne pepper and a sprinkling of toe nail clippings .... my grand children will be healthy, wealthy and strong!
Now everything I use is herbal, I even had to buy a herbal laptop ... it is an apple you know.
Herb a grate day.
God bless y'all!
