Stone Soup Story

Someone shared with me this story and I cannot get it off my mind and my heart. I love the lessons and I think it is so real especially for where we are as a country.

Once upon a time, somewhere in post-war Eastern Europe, there was a great famine in which people jealously hoarded whatever food they could find, hiding it even from their friends and neighbours.

Three soldiers trudged down a road in a strange country. They were on their way home from the wars. Besides being tired, they were hungry. In fact, they had eaten nothing for two days.

"How I would like a good dinner tonight," said the first. "And a bed to sleep in," added the second. "But that is impossible," said the third.

On they marched, until suddenly, ahead of them, they saw the lights of a village. "Maybe we'll find a bite to eat and a bed to sleep in," they thought.

Now the peasants of the place feared strangers. When they heard that three soldiers were coming down the road, they talked among themselves. "Here come three soldiers," they said. "Soldiers are always hungry. But we have so little for ourselves." And they hurried to hide their food. They hid the barley in haylofts, carrots under quilts, and buckets of milk down the wells. They hid all they had to eat. Then they waited.

The soldiers stopped at the first house. "Good evening to you," they said. "Could you spare a bit of food for three hungry soldiers?" "We have no food for ourselves," the residents lied. "It has been a poor harvest."

The soldiers went to the next house. "Could you spare a bit of food?" they asked. "And do you have a corner where we could sleep for the night?" "Oh, no," the man said. "We gave all we could spare to the soldiers who came before you." "And our beds are full," lied the woman.

At each house, the response was the same -- no one had food or a place for the soldiers to stay. The peasants had very good reasons, like feeding the sick and children. The villagers stood in the street and sighed. They looked as hungry as they could.

The soldiers talked together. The first soldier called out, "Good people! We are three hungry soldiers in a strange land. We have asked you for food and you have no food. Well, we will have to make stone soup." The peasants stared.

The soldiers asked for a big iron pot, water to fill it, and a fire to heat it. "And now, if you please, three round smooth stones." The soldiers dropped the stones into the pot.

"Any soup needs salt and pepper," the first soldier said, so children ran to fetch salt and pepper.

"Stones make good soup, but carrots would make it so much better," the second soldier added. One woman said, "Why, I think I have a carrot or two!" She ran to get the carrots.

"A good stone soup should have some cabbage, but no use asking for what we don't have!" said the third soldier. Another woman said, "I think I can probably find some cabbage," and off she scurried.

"If only we had a bit of beef and some potatoes, this soup would be fit for a rich man's table." The peasants thought it over, then ran to fetch what they had hidden in their cellars. A rich man's soup, and all from a few stones! It seemed like magic!

The soldiers said, "If only we had a bit of barley and some milk, this soup would be fit for a king!" And so the peasants managed to retrieve some barley and milk.

"The soup is ready," said the cooks, "and all will taste it, but first we need to set the tables." Tables and torches were set up in the square, and all sat down to eat. Some of the peasants said, "Such a great soup would be better with bread and cider," so they brought forth the last two items and the banquet was enjoyed by all.

Never had there been such a feast. Never had the peasants tasted such delicious soup, and all made from stones! They ate and drank and danced well into the night.

The soldiers asked again if there was a loft where they might sleep for the night. "Oh, no!" said the town folk. "You wise men must have the best beds in the village!" So one soldier spent the night in the priest's house, one in the baker's house, and one in the mayor's house.

In the morning, the villagers gathered to say goodbye. "Many thanks to you," the people said, "for we shall never go hungry now that you have taught us how to make soup from stones!"

The moral of the story is that by working together and everyone contributing just a little, a greater good is achieved.


You may be in a situation where you see what needs to be done but we are all looking at our limited resources. Everyone will guard their own resources.

It is time to bring out the stones because it is only by sharing that we may make a feast

So go on, start making your stone soup today!

Blessings y'all!

Tribute to Wangari: Attitude Meets Action

As a country, yesterday we woke up to the sad news of the demise of Professor Wangari Maathai, the first African female Nobel Laureate.

You will agree with me that Wangari never did things half heartedly. She led from the front and did not just say what needed to be done. She had the courage to go out and do it. Her list of achievements and awards is very long and yet, I do not believe that any time she acted it was in pursuit of these accolades. Her message was simple … take care of the environment as nature is unforgiving. I recall in an interview soon after she won the Nobel Peace award someone asked how the two were related. She was quick to point out that many of the wars were as a result of competition for diminishing and / or limited natural resources.

I am at a place in my life where I have concluded that may be I do not need to be learning new lessons. Not because I have reached the epitome of learning but because I am digging up the benefits of the things I have been learning over the years, applying it and am reaping the benefits.

You see, many are the times we get so busy pursuing the latest book, latest movie, latest course, the latest song, the latest inspirational speaker, blogger (hint hint), author and yes, even preacher. We get excited but we never get around to implementing the things we are learning. We store all these knowledge waiting for the “moment” to come when we can implement it. The timing is never right so we do not act. Finally, when we decide our excuses have become old, we begin to look for short cuts, we start chasing the fads.

15 Steps to Wealth

12 Great Ideas to Avoiding Divorce

10 Stages to Lose Weight

8 Ways to Resolving The Past

6 Revolutionary Ideas to A New You

5 Commandments of Parenting

3 Days to Peace

When does this silly chase end?

There is a saying I like, wherever you go, there you are.

Your attitude follows you. You can change jobs, change friends, change partners, change neighborhoods and even change churches but there will be no change in any of these areas until you change yourself. You need to change the man (or woman) in the mirror.

You do not need to hear another sermon, read another book, attend another course or seek yet another mentor because you now need to get up and start implementing the lessons you have learnt so far! OK, you are allowed to keep reading this one blog but not more than 7 times a day :-)!

Do not even get me started on the way we Christians make our excuses sound good by saying we are praying over the situation or we are waiting for a sign from God. I am not saying do not pray nor am I saying do not seek God’s face on an issue. I am saying do not become a collector of prophecies and wear them like charms!

I tell you the truth it does not matter how many times Billy Graham prays for you over the Harvard scholarship that T D Jakes prophesied would be approved the application will not submitted itself!

So this week as many discussions are being held on how best to honor Wangari, a woman who inspired the world in so many ways, it is simple … start where you are and just become a humming bird. Your efforts may seem insignificant but they can make a difference.

Obviously she had faith but she more importantly, it was not a dormant faith, it was a faith backed by action and commitment to the cause. Her attitude and actions were intentional and focused.

For the record, my bible says faith without works is dead. Works means action …ACT!

Infact, that same bible has a book on the ACTS of the Apostles.

Your greatness lies in your attitude and actions.

Rest in peace Wangari Muta Maathai, you who planted many different types of trees so that we may enjoy the shade.

Blessings y’all!

Smack ....Let Them Go

Sometime back I committed myself to post something on this blog once a week. It was mainly based on the selfish realization that when I share what I am learning, then my lessons become real. I guess it is the logic behind learning how to swim. You can stand at the pool, stare at the water, visualize yourself in the water and even "become one with the water" but until you get into the pool, you cannot learn how to swim! So in a way, when I share my journey, it makes me reflect on the lessons more deeply.

There are times when I need to relearn certain lessons. There are times when I need to be reminded, no, corrected, ok, recharged.

Today is one of those days when I need a smack on my head and after digging up this old gem, I am feeling sufficiently rebuked.

Let Them Go By T.. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

LET THEM GO!!!

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

LET THEM GO!!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... ..

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you! u have a bad attitude.... ...

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him.........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. ....

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. ....

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ............

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

'The Battle is the Lord's!'

Blessings y'all!

Responsibility ... Take It Don't Leave it!

The other day I was watching Dr Phil and I was astounded by the issues that there were discussing on international TV. It just felt wrong, kinda like I was peeping into their house, well actually more like their bedroom given the details they were airing. And that got me thinking about how this was no different than what you hear from Maina and King’ang’i every morning. You do not say such things on air.

Such shows just make me want to call my mama coz she will deal with them appropriately … the callers will get a smack on their backsides and the viewers/listeners will not be spared either, she will expect them to find something better to do! And smack you for good measure lest you forget and tune in again.

Please allow me to flog an already dead horse but hey, I have a whip and this is a horse that really needs to be flogged and the fact that it is dead will not stop me! As a country we have seen the repercussions of people refusing to take responsibility for anything. People die and they best they can say is that they were not aware that there were people who did not have food. Or things that are man-made being declared an act of God. Corrupt deals happen right under your nose and you were not aware and therefore cannot be held to account for it. REALLY???

It must be clearly stated that the buck must stop with somebody and if that person is you, will you please do the honorable thing and accept that you dropped the ball?

I wish this malady was unique to government but sadly that is not so. It is in private institutions. It is in our families too. And nooo, it did not end there either, it has infected individuals.

It just seems like there is a certain aversion to taking responsibility for your life. It is always somebody else who is at fault for your actions or lack thereof.

Well, guess what, the word responsibility can be split into two words, response and ability.

The secret is to sharpen, develop and cultivate your response ability to the things that come your way. Do not blame. Do not throw tantrums. Do not waste your energy on things that will not help the situation. Situations may be beyond your control but both your response and ability are all within your control.

Complaining and procrastinating and making excuses will not cut it either.

Seek wisdom that will give you the ability in all situations to exercise good judgment, temperance, discipline, diligence, flexibility, decisiveness and at other times even humility. These will empower you to think at a higher level and make decisions with lasting positive impact.

I have had to honestly look at myself and daily commit myself to successfully change the things that I want to change and improve those that I want to improve. I have also learnt how to request for help and how to graciously receive this help for any situation I may be in.

I am learning that being responsible leads to a multitude of opportunities for new lessons and am discovering the true joy of growing into the extraordinary woman I am created to be. My opportunities are now endless!

I am empowering myself, by taking responsibility for myself!

If you are still stuck, mama taught me how to smack backsides real good and I would be glad to smack you for free!

Blessings y'all!

The Knots Prayer

A friend tagged me on this prayer on facebook and it was amazing how it really spoke to me at that point and time. It is such wisdom in such few words.

Troubles are like shadows that follow you around, the more you turn your back to them and the faster you walk from them, the bigger they grow
But turn around and face them, half of them retreat and shrink before your eyes and the other half just get up and go.

I particularly found myself praying that as God unties the knots, may I not tie new ones.

Dear God:

Please untie the knots

That are in my mind,

My heart and my life.

Remove the have nots,

The cannots and the do nots

Erase the will nots,

May nots,

Might nots that may find

A home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots

Would nots and

Should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all,

Dear God,

I ask that you remove from my mind,

My heart and my life all of the “am nots”

That I have allowed to hold me back,

Especially the thought

That I am not good enough.

Amen

Author Known to God

Just Call Me Gullible

I am a sucker for sob stories. I have listened to them by the truckload. I have cried over some of these stories. I have gone into my pocket and given. There have been times I have stood in front of the mirror looking for the badge on my forehead that says “sucker”!'

I particularly remember one day in early January, 2008 calm was just returning in the streets of Nairobi after the post election chaos. I was going to the salon to have my hair done when I met this old man who gave me the story of how together with his family they had lost everything in the clashes in Eldoret. He was living in Jamhuri Park with a large family and a new born grandchild. The grandchild bit did it for me. Right there and then I decided my beauty treatment could use some trimming. I gave him some money. The life of a child was at stake!

A couple of months later, I met this guy again. This time his story was that he had travelled from upcountry to see his son but upon arrival to the young man’s office, he was told the guy had travelled and now he had nowhere to go. He had used the little man he had coming to Nairobi and now he had no money to go back home nor did he have a place to spend the night.

Did I ever mention I have the memory of an elephant? May be even the body size of one but hey, my size is not today’s topic!

I asked him if they had moved out of Jamhuri Park. He looked at me puzzled. I reminded him that in January he had lied to me he was an internally displaced person. Then again, he really was an IDP, intentionally dodgy person.

As I stood there looking at him, I was not angry. That was surprising for me. I expected to be angry but I was not! Was I losing my ability to lose it?

Instead, I felt sorry for the guy.

Then I remembered a commitment I made sometime back.I had purposed a couple of years before to listen to all sob stories.

Growing up in Nairobi, street families were a common sight. Large crowds of parking boys were a scary norm. It was common to pass by and given them some coins to buy something. Sometimes to even buy them bread and milk when I felt sufficiently philanthropic. Fast forward many years later and there was a time when hawkers and street families had taken over the alleys in town. One evening as I was coming from work, my watch was snatched, ok more like ripped off my wrist and as I absorbed the shock, I resigned myself to being a statistic of Nairoberry and at the same time thanked God that I still had my bag. The next day, as I was walking home, some guy calls me by my nickname. Now, that is a name only known by guys who grew up in my neighborhood. He told me that he was sure I could not remember him but he was among the parking boys that I had bought for milk and bread in years past. He was now all grown up and was hawker, he even had a stall in town. His name was Zakayo. He had witnessed the snatching of my watch the previous day and he was here to return my watch. So much about hawkers and street families not having boundaries.

It was one of the few times in my life I was left speechless!

So you see, I will continue listening to sob stories. Of course there are those times that I can tell when am being conned. When a story sounds kinda familiar. When I can poke holes in a story. When there is something wrong with the picture.

I decided that yes, I may be conned but what if that one person was genuine? What if their story was real?

I have learnt to decide that if they have conned me out of some coins then that is between them and their god. Between me and my God, I will do what I am convicted to do.

I can openly confirm that people have been very gracious to me in so many ways. People have held my hand. People have given to me in kind and otherwise. Strangers have given to me. Strangers have been used by God to light my path.

It befalls me to light the path for someone.

If someone has ever done anything for you, do something for someone, a stranger or a friend without any intention of collecting on your “investment”.

Human beings were not created to be self-sufficient. We will always need each other. God uses people to bless others.

Nothing you do will be in vain. Do not be jaded by all the fraudsters out there.

I have chosen not to harden my heart.

Forget the skeptics.

Ignore the cynics.

They must not win.

Blessings y’all!

A Choice & A Journey

I have met people who hold grudges. You know the angry kind that walk around with a scowl on the face. I like to chuckle and believe that some of these guys walk around with a copy of their birth certificate and each time they meet a doctor, they refer to the said document. Daily, they desire to meet the doctor whose name appears on the darn document because that doctor slapped their newborn bum and they want revenge for pain afflicted!

Following last week’s post on forgiveness, I received many responses and questions on my inbox. I also had the opportunity to chat with some of you about the whole issue of forgiveness.

The one question that was asked by several readers was how to deal with really deep hurt that goes beyond the minor conflicts in the office, home, or even the chama. The pain of the "real" world of violence, deep loss, pain and trauma.

Forgive me this post is kinda long :-).

Well, I am obviously no expert in the field of forgiving and so I can only share from my personal experiences.

Forgiving is acknowledging that you cannot change the past and that by dwelling in that past, you will be held captive by it. Forgiving enlarges your future.

A couple of years back, someone near and dear to me was shot and later died after we were carjacked. I was angry. Angry with guys who shot him. Angry with him for dying. Angry with doctors for not saving his life. Angry with God for letting him die and me also for allowing this pain to come into my life. Angry with myself for feeling all this anger.

It got so bad, I had developed ulcers and they were bleeding. Funny thing I remember about that period of time, I never cried. I felt numb. My eyes were dry. I did not want to feel anything. Anger was all I needed.

With time I began dealing with this but it would seem that I began forgiving with those that were furthest first. The killers and the doctors were first on the list. I started consciously seeking to see good in strangers. The effect of that was being reminded that not all strangers were evil. I also spent time just talking to my friends who were doctors and learning that when they lose a patient, it impacts them and it is not just a statistic.


Forgiving myself, forgiving Charles (the deceased) and making amends with God was another story.

It took me 5 years to get there.

Just like the effects of poison in container, the anger corroded my insides. My relationships suffered. On the outside I was smiling but it was a fake plastic smile. Thanks to a job that entailed dealing with clients I knew how fake a smile and say all the right things. I could sound as perky as the birds at the drop of a pen. My acting should have won me an Oscar!

But what options did I have? I had to go on and so the best that I could do for myself was put all these into a box and lock it away. Once in a while I would remove the box, have a pity party and then lock it away again. This would happen on the anniversary of the incident. I was in control as you can see. I just had to keep my feelings in check and things would be ok, time will heals.

In the meantime, the corrosion continued. Why was time not healing this wound?

How could I logically explain what I was feeling? That I was angry with a dead person? That I was angry with myself? And about being angry with God, was I even allowed to voice that?

For the journey to begin, I unwillingly found myself in the hands of a counselor. Unwillingly because I only showed up for counseling because it was mandatory for the course I was taking. I did not even think I had anything to say to her …it was a perfect waste of the 20 hours of mandatory therapy that I needed to graduate.

With time and lots of patience from the counselor, I was ready talked about the incident. It was astounding the details I remembered. You see previously, when I talked about that incident, I talked about it as a detached party. One would never believe that it happened to me as I showed no emotion about it.

But not on that day, I was no longer numb. I felt the freshness of the pain. My memory was vivid. I remembered it all. The jeans I had worn and even the yellow shirt. I could not stop the details from flooding my mind. I remembered everything. I sobbed like a baby. I remember meeting a classmate at that time and she asked me what was wrong as the effects of the sob session showed on my face. I told her my friend had died. She hugged me. She told me I should take time off class and yes, she was even willing to attend the funeral with me. You see, the poor girl thought he had died the day before because we had been in class together the previous day and I was ok. So you can imagine how nutty she thought when I told her he had died 5 years ago!

Crying never felt that good. I cried for all the things I had given,
only to have them stolen.

Long and short of it, that crying signaled the beginning of my journey.
Many times forget is thrown into that forgiving equation with the cliché “forgive and forget” but is that always our reality? I like what Carol Luebering says on the issue …. you cannot forgive what you refuse to remember any more than you can seek treatment for a disease whose symptoms you have yet to notice.

So I had to get to that place. Only what is revealed gets healed.

Looking back today, I am glad I took the longer journey to forgive. You should not be pressured to forgive. In the book - The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive And Don't Know How, Lewis B. Smedes talks about fast forgivers. He says they tend to forgive quickly in order to avoid their pain. Or they forgive fast in order to get an advantage over the people they forgive. And their instant forgiving only makes things worse...People who have been wronged badly and wounded deeply should give themselves time and space before they forgive...There is a right moment to forgive. We cannot predict it in advance; we can only get ourselves ready for it when it arrives...Don't do it quickly, but don't wait too long...If we wait too long to forgive, our rage settles in and claims squatter's rights to our souls.

I am not sure what you did or what others did.

You must start by forgiving yourself. Why yet you are the one who was wronged? Before you dismiss me for being silly let me explain that.

Sometimes even though you were the one wronged, you may be angry with yourself because you were wronged! You replay the situation over and over in your mind and you blame yourself for not having done things differently. May be if I had not ignored my gut feeling this would not have happened. If only I had paid attention to the details.

You may even be unable to forgive yourself because the person that you wronged has not yet forgiven you.

Please do not allow your self-forgiveness to be contingent upon somebody else's readiness or willingness to forgive you. They may get something out of holding on to anger that they are not ready to let go of. They may be too frightened or wounded to let go of their anger. Feeling angry may be an important part of their healing process at this time. Allow others to be where they are. Respect their right to feel the way they feel.
What others feel and how they deal with it is NOT your responsibility. It is not even within your control.

Sometimes choices are made in the name of forgiveness while what is occurring is not forgiveness at all. It is important not to confuse being forgiving with denying your own feelings, needs, and desires. Forgiving does not mean being passive and staying in a position that clearly does not work for you. It is important that you are clear about who you are and what your boundaries are. What is acceptable for you? If you are willing to allow unacceptable behavior again and again in the name of 'forgiveness,' you are more than likely using 'forgiveness' as an excuse not to take responsibility for taking care of yourself or as a way to avoid making changes." (Robin Casarjian - Forgiveness: A Bold Choice For A Peaceful Heart).

So you may be wondering what about my relationship with a God I was angry with because He allowed this pain to come my way.

Well, once I forgave myself for being angry with God and then took my achy breaky heart to Him. I gave Him all the pieces.

The healing and teaching balm made me look at the five years that had passed since the incident.

I cried as I counted my blessings over those years. You see, even though I was angry with God, He had not withheld His blessings from me. His plan for me was still for good and not for evil because all along they were to give me a future and a hope.

I was just too caught up in the past to realize it. Too blind to see.

Unforgiveness blinded me...it does that you know.

He revealed to me that had I held on to that relationship, the relationship He had in store for me would never have come. You see, even though my fiancé had died, God had brought my way the husband He had had in store for me all along. He had even given us a child as a result of that union.

I cried in shame. For five years, I had taken His blessings for granted.

The husband I had, the baby among many other blessings ...I felt I was entitled to them ….after all, He had taken away my fiancé! He owed me!

But God convicted me to be honest about the kind of man Charles was before he died. For the first time, I allowed myself to examine the relationship we had. The man God had in store for me was more patient, more forgiving and more secure to allow me the freedom to grow into the woman God would have me be. God had been preparing him all along you see.

I counted my blessings, named them one by one.

And more than that, He was still reaching out to me to restore me for His namesake.

How could I be angry with such a God? I cried for having been too foolish to see His goodness for me.

For me, forgiving was not an event, more like a process.

So friends, forgiveness is not about a set of behavior or a formula. Just because this is what worked for me it is not the prescribed path. It is not the only path. You need to find your own path.

Forgiving is not for the weak, it is a reserve of the strong as Mahatma Gandhi said.

It is a bold and courageous choice.

It is a personal journey.

Yet at all times, it is ALWAYS an attitude of the heart.

Blessings y'all!

Forgiven and Forgiving

Forgiving is not easy.

But what is the alternative? Not forgiving is simply the bitter option.

Unforgiveness means we desire to hurt the people who have wounded us.

It is like the little boy who was sitting on a park bench in obvious agony. A man walking by asked him what was wrong. The boy answered, "I'm sitting on a bumble bee." "Then why don't you get up?" the man asked. The boy replied, "Because I figure that I am hurting him more than he is hurting me!"

In our daily interactions misunderstandings and conflicts are bound to arise. Friends and family will rub you the wrong way. And with certain people, it may not be the first time they do that to you. So it is really not like being stabbed by a friend …it was more twisting of the same knife they used some time back. At those times you are convinced the reason they did not take the knife with them was because they KNEW they will come back and twist it. Malicious aforethought as our learned friends would say.

It is easy to find justifiable grounds to hold a grudge. You are not really holding a grudge, you are just protecting yourself!

But this is what I have learnt from experience, holding a grudge is truly not the way to go. It causes me more damage than good. I lose my inner peace. I am irritable. I feel angry. I feel guilty. And physically, my heart pounds and I get a headache and sometimes a certain “something” in my tummy.

I have learnt that it is better to forgive than to feel emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially and physically sick.

I am cut off from who I am, from who God is and from the person or persons that I am angry with.

I forgive you if your first reaction is to be impressed by me but before you send that recommendation for me to be initiated into sainthood, I will remind you that I am human, fallible and weak.

There have been times when I have been wronged and been so intent on holding on to a wrong done against me.

I say intent because not to forgive is conscious decision.

Forgiving is among the few things for which the good book offers a prescription.

Yes, we have a daily dosage for forgiving on a daily basis, 70 times 7 times a day. I believe that the reason we have this prescribed dosage is not so that we can keep track of the number of times we forgive in a day but it is more to keep us in a state to forgiving on a daily basis.

If you are like me, I enjoy the Galitos bottomless coca cola with their meals but I cannot go and simply seat and order bottomless coke.I must have a meal that meets their terms to qualify for the unlimited coke. In the same way, I cannot simply expect others to obey God on the issue of forgiving and thus be a recipient of their forgiveness. I must also obey God and forgive as well. It is the cycle of life.

I was sufficiently rebuked to learn that by refusing to forgive, I am making several statements loudly and clearly with my actions.

One, that I am worthy of being forgiven but you are not worthy enough to be forgiven by me.

Secondly, that my grudge and holding on to it is more important than restoring my relationship with you. May be even indirectly saying that my grudge is more important than the person I have chosen not to forgive.

And as I have pondered about this, it became obvious to me that being unforgiving is a fruit of pride and self-righteousness.

I should base my forgiveness on what God has done for me, not on what another person has done to me.

Realizing how completely I am forgiven should produce in me free and generous attitude of forgiveness towards others. Indeed, when I do not forgive, I set myself outside and above God’s law of love.

So go on …forgive.

I am learning to let go and forgive.

In fact I can say when it comes to forgiving … I was blind but now I squint.

Each One Reach One

You will agree with me that the goings on in Kenya in the last month or so have left many of us wondering where this society is going to.

I am not talking about how one Mutua is collecting nyonga points on behalf of the government or how it has become evident that KRA is pursuing a ponyoka na MP strategy when it comes to taxation.

I am not even talking about the raging debate on when elections will be held whether in 2012 or 2013.

Yes, it is easy to point out the peculiar Kenyan habits when it comes to national issues. Remember that the drought situation was predicted last year.

And yet this is not a reserve of government only.

All around us, we have situations that we need to respond to. We have situations that are clearly spiraling downhill.

Worst still, we have people that are spiraling downhill ….and fast.

You may all recall the tragic death of Samuel Wanjiru a couple of months ago.

A friend posted on face book that she had heard of the things that the athlete had been up to in the months before his death and she was concerned. He seemed to be out of control in many ways. She tried to speak to people who could reach out to him. Unfortunately, before her efforts could bear fruit, he jumped to his death. Many were quick to say that they saw it coming and so when he tragically died, it had simply been a matter of when and not if.

Wanjiru was buried after much drama and we swiftly moved on.

There has been new drama in the block starring Mike Sonko.

We are watching everything he is doing with disgust. We are complaining why the media is giving him coverage. We are wondering why the Madaraka residents elected him.

Well, I am from Madaraka. Hhmm, once Kalembe Ndile was my MP in shags ….oh dear, clearly I have the scourge of comical MPs but that is not my point.

You see whilst both men may have provided comic relief and disgust at the same measure, universal suffrage is to be blamed or thanked depending on which side you are on! Think about it, even as we have seen the antics of Sonko and thought he was the worst thing before the rebranding of Kenya Power, he actually has following. Recently, I took a walk and talked to some people in this constituency. Sonko is their hero. Sonko pays hospital bills. School fees. Burial expenses. Sonko touches their lives in a very real way.

Whilst to many of us he may not even be worthy of a second glance, there are people who are eternally grateful for the day their paths crossed his.

Yes, we may question the source of his money. Yes, we may not like his style. Yes, we may look at his followers with disdain. But would you look at a gift-horse in the nose? Is it possible that needs over-ride everything else?

God forbid that you may think I have been paid to hold brief for Sonko …but I am realizing that I need to look at him (and many other Sonkos out there) in new light.

I once saw on news that Sonko has a wife and a kid.

So everything he does affects them directly or indirectly.

Now, if I was going around doing foolish stuff, there are people who would stop me if nothing else, for the sake of my child and possibly even for the sake of my hubby.

So could we get off our pious pedestals and see that Sonko represents hope for a people so disillusioned by life? Unmet needs have a way of doing that.

Whilst you may not be able to reach out to Sonko or quite honestly, you may not even have any intention, inclination or persuasion to do so, you could reach out to someone else.

You may have a neighbor, a colleague, a relative, a family member who seems to be struggling with something. They may be dealing with it in a way that does not make sense. In fact, they may be behaving in a way that completely disgusts you.

Could you look beyond that and reach out?

Many times I have learnt to see myself in such a person. I am learning to think to myself …. There goes I save for the grace of God.

It is hard. It may even be unthinkable.

But it is doable.

Sonko may not be the one on your plate or your radar but there is someone you can reach out to.

We can make the difference. One person at a time.

I am talking about how as a society, it seems that we seem to have become masters at bolting the shed after the horse has fled.

Could you do something for someone who is heading for self-destruction before it is too late?

It is hard. It may even be unthinkable.

But it is doable.

We can make the difference.

Each One Reach One.

Comfortable Discomfort

In the last couple of months my comfort zones have been under attack.

I have been learning to let go of familiar things, people and places and reach out to new ones. And that is easier said than done.

Comfort zones are familiar and familiar things are comfortable. Or are they? They only seem comfortable because it is what you are used to. The people, the surrounding, the situation, the state of mind have all become familiar. Even the complaining has become familiar. Who knew that whining could be such a strong bond between friends?

Think about it, some of our friendships are in essence support groups. We come together, moan about stuff and then go back to our miserable situation till the next time we meet to moan again. Funny how that never gets tiring?

So I have been embracing the changes in my life. I have also begun embracing new people. Get the smirk off your face of course my husband is aware am embracing new people!

So why am I excited about the changes that are happening in my life?

First, failure to embrace change will not stop change from happening. It is said nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come. The waves of change are indeed unstoppable, I can close the doors but change will sneak in through the window and slap me silly. Sometimes the cost to pay for denial is too much!

Secondly, unless I get to that place where I am ready to let go of the old, the new will never come. This is because two things cannot occupy the same space. It is either the new or the old. You cannot have the new old or the old new. Never! My heart wants the new. Craves the new. So the old must go!

Third, change is the only way I can move from my problem to my promise. I need to move from talking about the good old days. I cannot become woman I need to be if am not going to let go of woman I used to be.

Finally, if I ask for a makeover, I must be ready for a makeover! You see, as a woman every so often I will go to the salon because my hair looks bad and needs Ben’s magical touch. Ben is the one who waves his wand over my head regularly. It would be ridiculous for me to tell Ben, I need you to do my hair but please do not touch it. Do not change anything. Do not do anything. But after 2 hours here, I will want to look different when am leaving. Sounds silly right?

Well, we do it every day.

We ask God to take us to the next level but we start complaining when we are being shaken. When changes are taking place we whine. When the old is being taken away we complain that the days of persecution are here. You scream for communal prayers, the devil is attacking you. You fast for the changes to stop.

Will you make up your mind!

You may be on the edge of a new experience and you need a push from frustration to victory. From pain to power.

That push is CHANGE.

Embrace it. Enjoy it.

Let it evolve you.

Log in My Eye

I seem to write alot about traffic. Maybe it is because I spend so much time seated in traffic. I have learnt that in Kenya there are some things that are becoming predictable.

If you voted for Sonko, his style of leadership will always mock you.
MPs will find always find a new way to shock you.
Traffic will always choke you.

Hhmm, traffic makes me wax lyrical!

Needless to say, I hate sitting in traffic jams and if I am going to sit in traffic, my anger or lack of it will depend on the reason behind the traffic jam.Let me explain, zero level anger if there are children crossing, I will even throw a patient smile into the package. Medium level anger for a driver whose car has broken down in traffic and if the driver is a lady, a pitiful smile she will recieve. You know the kind of smile that says, tuko pamoja (we are together) even as I comfortably sit in my car as she haggles with the rogue roadside mechanics. If the cause is a matatu misbehaving, I will have finally found an outlet for my pent up anger. My anger with my boss. My anger with my client. Did I mention I am angry that the Beckhams chose a ridiculous name for their baby gal? Harper Seven? Do not wonder where that comes from ... I have misplaced anger!

I even believe that traffic is mentioned in the bible. My bible says there is a time for everything. Yes, traffic was even prophesied … Be still and know that I am God. That verse has been so relevant when I have been tempted jump traffic lights.

So you can understand my frustration the other day when after having driven all of 5 minutes from my house I was caught up in traffic. Then I heard on radio that most of the roads in Nairobi had been turned into parking lots, the presidential motorcade was the reason for our nightmare. I seethed over how cops cleared the roads for the presidential motorcade even before the president boarded his flight from whichever country. I complained about how the president’s handlers should take into consideration all factors when confirming his itinerary and some basic ground rules to get us started.

Never should he leave State House on a Friday. Never venture on the road at the end of the month. Never should he go anywhere after 4pm on any weekday.

Does he not know what traffic the ordinary citizen goes through? Hhmm, do not even get me started on how that phrase “ordinary citizen” irks me. And my whining did not end in there, I gave it posterity … I posted it on face book! And so with like minded individuals, we whiled away time or was that whined away time? Well, I looked at my watch and only 25 minutes had passed.

And as I sat there, I began to make peace with my long wait. I told you traffic had spiritual sprinkle. I figured instead of getting angry, I might as well fantasize. And since I was going to fantasize, why not make it grand. I can afford that ….it may still be the only thing I can comfortably afford given the state of the economy any way!

I wondered what it would be like to be the president for a day. As I thought about the things that I would be able to do on that day, I quickly realized that this dream needed to be scaled. You see, there were so many things to do and being president for a day would not help anyone. After all, that day would all be taken up in the business of being sworn into office. A week would not be enough either, State House has too many rooms and I would need time to tour my home. A year would be necessary to just settle in to office and read all the books on protocol. Ok, I would not read them per se but someone has to read them and then brief me.
It occurred to me that it was totally unfair to give a president only two five year terms as per the new constitution. There would be sooo much to do and such little time.

And then I started thinking of the ways in which I would save time.

To begin with, I would never waste time sitting in traffic. I would have people clear the road for me as I attended to important state issues.

And then it hit me that it was exactly for that reason I was seated in traffic.

My anger dissipated. I patiently sat in traffic for 3 hours.

Yes, we are all culpable.

Speck. Brother’s eye. Log. My eye.

Blessings y’all!

Healed by a Smile

I got a call from my friend this morning and he told me about the passing on of our mutual friend.He died peacefully in his sleep last night. They found him in bed this morning with a smile on his face.

Babu’s smile has warmed my heart in such a special way since I met him in 2009.

You see I met him the first time on 8th October, 2009. Yes, I remember that day vividly.

I had been invited to speak at a forum in Kisumu, a huge group of about five hundred or so. One guy unnerved me. He was seated at the front. He was introduced as the head of some organization and was also head of the delegation from Congo. I guessed he was about sixty years old. He had been given the cards of each of the speakers.

When I stood to speak, he looked at my business card and then looked at me.

Removed his spectacles and looked at me again. Back to the card. Me again.

Slowly mouthed my name. Shook his head. Placed the card on the table and wrote something on the back of it.

He just stared at me. It was unnerving.

Was it not bad enough that my presentation was on homosexuality? Yes, I felt like a wet lion in den of daniels.

During the presentation, there were questions and as expected, the discussions got heated. Very heated. After all, we were discussing homosexuality and the church in Africa. But this guy never said anything. I could not read any expression on his face. He was not hostile. He was not smiling either. He was just staring at me.

When we took a lunch break. He picked his meal and took his place at a corner. He continued staring at me. He had still said nothing. This was getting creepy.

Why was he staring at me like that?

Well, meeting ended and as I was packing my laptop and stuff up, he came to me and asked what I thought were the most ridiculous questions.

He asked me if I used to own a smallish white car in 2002. He asked if I used a certain route to work every morning at that period in time. He asked if I used to leave my house at about 7.15am. I said yes to all this questions. After a brief pause, he slowly quoted the registration number of my first car, KAE 951N. This was getting creepy.Who was this guy?

Then he stretched his hand and I shook his outstretched hand. My hand disappeared in his huge hand. He was big and burly. Then his face cracked a smile. Then he started laughing. A loud thunderous laughter while still holding my hand.My whole body vibrated as he roared. Then he asked, "Can I hug you?" And before I could answer, he grabbed me and hugged me. Tight.

The only reason why I was not yet screaming is because there were other people in the room.

When he finally let me go and I was breathless, disheveled and ready to run for dear life,he said the most amazing thing. He said I saved his life.

By this time you could knock me down with a feather. Yes, me and all of my none-of-your-business kilos.

Then he started to explain.

You see, at that said time of his life, his only daughter had just passed away in the UK where she was a working. Medical reports revealed she had died HIV/AIDS related complications. She was in a same sex relationship. He had sent her there because he believed it was easier and safer for her. Homophobia was too rife in Africa. She had been all he had. Her mother had passed away shortly after Jenny his daughter was born. He was hurting and lost and angry with God. He wanted to die. Yes, he was a very successful business man but he wanted to die. Life had lost meaning. For a year, everything was mundane. He was also struggling with drugs and alcohol. He was 66 years and he was tired.

So where did I fit in all this?

Well, apparently, something I used to do in traffic made a difference in his life.

I used to smile and wave at total strangers in traffic!!

You see, for that one year when all was bleak,this guy looked forward to my wave and smile. I reminded him so much of his daughter. I had a smile like hers. He looked forward to seeing me every morning. I looked so alive and happy. I made him believe there was hope.

He sold his company, made a handsome profit and went to UK and undertook a degree in Psychology.

He then made peace with a God He had been angry with for so long. A God he had sought all his life. He was now running an organization that offered psychological support for those in same sex relationships.

This was the first time he had come back to Kenya since December 2002.

He said he never forgot my face and when he planned his trip to Kenya, he told God he hoped he would meet me. And there I was.

By this time,my tears had started to flow freely.Ok, I lie. I was sobbing like a baby. When my sobs subsided, I explained.

You see, I had lost my boyfriend in a car jacking incident early that very year and I feared driving. No, I hated driving. But I had purposed to go on one day at a time. So every morning, I woke up and said, "The joy of the Lord is my strength." I had to convince myself even before I began my day! I would get into the car and smile. Smile to total strangers. Wave at total strangers.

I figured that as long as I was smiling, I could not cry. I had cried for so long and I needed to start smiling.

There were those people I met in traffic daily and I would wave and smile on the way to work.

Smiling at strangers was therapeutic for me.I could not be angry with the world if I was smiling at the world.

Babu cried. I cried. We had a bond.

Babu never called me by name. He always called me Malaika.

We kept in touch. He would call me when he would be in the country and we would meet for a cup of coffee. Always Java. Always cappuccino. Always Sugarless. He always chided me for having a sweet tooth, just like Jenny had.

And he regularly sent me text messages. Sometimes just one statement ....I am praying for you.

Last time I saw him was when he diagnosed with prostate cancer late last year. He had come to see a doctor in Nairobi and together with some friends, we prayed with him. He did not want to go through chemotherapy. He was at peace. He said he was ready to meet his daughter and his wife. He said his work was done. He said he wanted to go home.

And this morning, at the age of 79 years, Babu went to be with the Lord with a smile on his face.

In God's way, my pain had healed Babu's pain. Yes, we had both been healed by a smile.

You were so brave Babu. When we spoke and you were in pain, you always asked me not to cry but to smile. You told me my smile healed you. And when you were to weak to call or text, you used to text me a smiley face.And I would send you 2 smiley faces. You would send me 3. And we could go on and on, trying to out smile each other as it were.

So even today as I mourn your passing on, I will not cry Babu ...I will smile. I cannot cry as long as am smiling.

I promise to smile as they cremate you tomorrow.

Yes, once again my heart will be healed by a smile.

Say hi to Jenny and her mama.

Say hi to Charles too. Tell him I am happy. Tell him the story of how a smile healed me when he died. How the same smile healed you.

Yes, it is still a smile even as tears roll down my face.

Rest in Peace Babu!!

Chapatti People

Let me start by declaring that I am a good cook.

Now that we are telling the truth, I need to also let you know that I make horrible chapattis. Who said chapattis must be round at all times? And as fate would have it, I got married to a man who can happily eat chapattis for breakfast, lunch, dinner and all the snacks in between. As for our son, the apple fell from the same tree or was it the chapatti from the same pan … am sure you get my drift!

Before I admitted I could not make chapattis, I spent hours trying to learn how to. Sat at the feet (or is it hands) of those adept in making them. Learnt the doughs and dough nots.

A friend who is gifted in making culinary delights once told me that making chapatti is a relationship. You have to keep working at it. It takes time, tenderness and patience to make the perfect chapatti. However, she lost this student when she said the dough needs to feel my love!

And yet there are such people in our lives. It does not matter what how hard you try, with them nothing ever seems to turn be right. If there is a fault to be found, they will find it. In fact, even if there is no fault, they will still find it. They ask the nosy questions. They ask them loudly. Their words are hurtful and hateful. Their sole purpose seems to be to teach you, nay, to try your patience. They seemingly cherish watching their words make others squirm.

They will ask you why your boyfriend of 5 + years has not yet proposed. And when will you have a baby? And how come you are not looking for a better paying job? Are you not planning to buy a house? Is it not time you got a new car?

For some reason, your answers are never good enough for these people. They do not know that your boyfriend has already proposed but you are not ready for marriage yet. That you have gone through a battery of tests together with your hubby in your search for a baby. That the job that you have fulfils you in a way that money cannot. That you are saving for the down payment of your dream house. That another car is not in your list of priorities right now.

They simply do not want to hear what you have to say. They do not care.

You only need you to hear what they have to say. Forget the fact that it is your life … they know what is good for you.

They are only saying this because they love you. They only want the best for you. So what if they have to kill you as they demonstrate this! Real love is not for sissies!They seem committed to literally love you to death.

They justify their insensitivity.

Indeed, they uphold the principle of equal opportunity. They disrespect everyone equally. They dislike all and sundry. Everyone who interacts with them will get a whiff of their negativity, their bitterness and their anger. It seems like they are discontent with everything. And they do not stop there, they are not just dissatisfied with their own life they are dissatisfied with yours as well!

Sadly, they make you second guess your life choices. Worse still, they may even make you doubt God. You see sometimes they ask you the questions that you have been asking God. Yes, the very questions that have seen you pounding on heaven’s doors.

I have learnt to refer to these special breed as the chapatti people.

One of the reasons that I have not been able to make chapattis is because I tend to think that effort must be seen in the results. It is for this reason that I will gladly marinate ribs for a week and loving turn them every 2 hours if that is what the recipe says. Why? Because the meat appreciates it and the final product is testimony to my effort. Not so with chapattis. It does not matter whether I spent an hour or a week lovingly preparing them, our relationship is doomed as they still turn out wrong!

These pain-inducing people could be your family, friends or colleagues, there is no escaping them,they are all around us and you cannot avoid them.
What is one to do? I learnt from Dr John Stanko that there is only one way to deal with this people, label them EGR – extra grace required. Grace not to strangle them.Grace to respectively tell them to back off.Grace to be gracious even when they are not.

It does not matter how hard I try, I can never get it right when it comes to these people. And that is ok with me. If I am good enough for me, why is that not good enough for you?

So next time you encounter a chapatti person, slap on them some EGR … they will be more palatable!

Blessings y’all!

Will You Unmarry Me?

In 2000, I met Mwende. She was beautiful. She had a great figure. It gave me so much pleasure to show her off. I was in love. Wipe the sneer off your face. You see, Mwende was my first car, a white Toyota starlet, KAE 951N.

It did not matter to me she was 3rd hand having had 2 previous owners, she was mine and I had pledged undying love. That was until I put her on the road. I started noticing other cars around me. My Mwende was a very basic car just a box on wheels and this hit me even more when I looked at other cars in traffic. They had spoilers. They had sports rims. Spotlights. Bullbars. My lovely Mwende was loosing her allure and fast!

It is the same with marriage. In my humble opinion, once you get married, once you commit yourself to that one man / woman suddenly better looking men / women appear all around you. I say “better looking” because you may know nothing about them but they still seem like a better option than the person you woke up next to. This is especially so if you are in the middle of a spat with your spouse.

And that is the thing about this temptation thing! It would be so much easier to deal with temptation if it was not so alluring. If temptation showed up dressed in a sackcloth then the decision to walk away is easy but the trouble with the world today is because temptation wakes up, showers, gets dressed and looks so good, smells so nice ….ah, so tempting! “Till death do us part” becomes a noose tightening daily. “Death” could be any challenge - infidelity, careers, in-laws, childlessness etc.

You see, this month my dear hubby and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. As different people congratulated us on our 7th anniversary, one jokingly asked about the 7-year itch. It is basically said that after 7 years of togetherness, there is an “itch”, an inclination to be unfaithful.

I like to think the reason why I have not had to deal with the 7 year itch is because I deal with my “itch” daily. Any marriage longer than 1 day can find grounds for separating but the challenge is to make a decision each day to find grounds for staying married. I purpose to make that choice daily. I pray for strength to make the right choices daily.

It would be a blatant lie if I said it has been a walk in the park. It would be an even bigger lie to say that since we are both Christians, when we have a dispute we sit down, hold hands and sing kum-ba-ya. Truth is there have been times when we have held hands because that was the only way to keep the darn things from each other’s throat.

I remember one particularly rocky time in the early days when I wearily asked if it would simply be easier for us to end our marriage and my hubby said that is ok but he had just one condition for us to do that. He reminded me that when we got married, we had printed 500 invitation cards and so for us to end the marriage, could we please print another 500 cards and invite guests to witness our separation just as we had invited them to witness our coming together? I realized this guy was nuttier than I was ….so I chose to stay with him I figured that I need to protect him from himself! I think his story is he needs to protect me from me but hey, so far so good!

A story is told of a guy who found his neighbor out in the street one night frantically looking for something using the street light. The guy asked what he was looking for and the neighbor said he had lost his key. So the guy went on his knees and joined the search. After looking for some time the guy asked him if he was sure this was where he had lost it. The neighbor looked at him and said no, he had lost the key in his house but the lighting in the street was better!

That is the folly of marriages today.

When and where did you lose your key?

How, when and where are you looking for it?

Blessings y’all!

My Blogging Journey

I have been blogging for the last eight months or so and it is something I have really been enjoying doing. Starting was darn hard because you see am not this IT savvy gal and the even the language was enough to get one lost.

For some reason “blog” does not always sound like something one should do in public … sounds like one of those things where we all know everyone does it and in fact if you were not doing it, you would go see a doctor to make sure there is no blogage, er, blockage.

So before actually starting my blog I decided to join a virtual community of bloggers just to get the hang of it.

It sounded like fun and hey, am as friendly as they next gal so I jumped in with all the gusto I could muster. You do realize that when you are my size, “jumping in with gusto…” is something one can only do virtually once in a while.

Well, for some reason this gal (well that is what her profile said) began to chat with me. I was excited, I had only been online for 30 minutes and someone was already chatting with me! Forget that she was Ursula in Czech Republic and it was 3.17am their time… it was a live person, er, they do not have computers that can self-chat yet do they?

Well, our conversation did not last long as you will see.

Ursula : Hey!
Me: Hey!
Ursula: Welcome on board
Me: Thanks
Ursula : So you blog, wow, am starting next week. URL?
Me: (Blushing slightly) Actually my weight fluctuates a lot so thanks but am really and XXL.
Ursula: (looooong pause)
Me: You still there?
Me: RUL? I would like to become an L at some point. Been going to the gym, watching what I eat and I have moved from being an XXXL.

Then SHE LOGGED OFF!!

Well, next thing I knew, I received an email from someone who identified himself at Chat Room Administrator ….who he stated, coldly I may add ... that it would seem I am not an intellectually good match for the kind of stimulating interaction they offer and I need to find a chat room that allows minimal cranial development for uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path who may or may not be chemically inconvinieced.

A week later I realized he meant that I needed to look for a chat room that allowed stupidity for losers who may or may not be stoned!!

Well, this gal was not discouraged and so I went ahead and began blogging and even invited people to watch me blog and I have not yet been arrested for blogging in public!!

By the way, the email from the so-called Chat Room Administrator was all in capital letters...is that bloggiquette?

Blessings y’all!

Everythingist or Nothingist

Now that you have gone ahead and given this article a chance beyond the title … I thank you!

I have spent a good part of this morning engaging in intellectual intercourse with great friends on face book about 2 different links that one of them posted. The discussion was refreshing and I was in my element giving as good as I got. Yes, I know, if my boss reads this then I will have to explain why I was having intercourse in the office but for now I have three words about that ….bridge, cross, later.

Several things that came out in these discussions and really in every day life when I think about it is that we are a society that loves to judge. We judge everything. People. Writers. Schools. Countries. You name it, we judge it! And I am no better. I am right there at the top of that file …. I am shallow, I am narrow (forget about my waist) and therefore I judged based on my shallowness and narrowness. Or is it from my shallowcity and narrowcity? Yes, I see you judging not just me but my English teachers, the schools I went to and even my MS word version which is not correcting me.

So what is the option?

Would you rather not be in situations where you are not judged at all? Then does that not mean that you have judged those who do not judge as being non-judgemental? Before I completely loose myselfin this, let me give you background on what triggered this train of thought.

Yes, the discussion this morning pushed me over the cliff into writing this article but that is not where the question of being judgemental or not was born. Infact, the initial idea was not about being judgemental or not, it was about life and having an opinion. Anyone who knows me will tell you I have an opinion about everything and I do not understand how anyone cannot! How can you feel nothing about the length of the skirt that the judge will wear when she makes her ruling on the Ocampo Six? What has the sex of the judges got to do with the length of the said skirt? Oops, I digress…

You see I recently met a guy who was my classmate way back in primary school in the 80s. STOP trying to work out my age and stay with me! He walked into a restaurant and the only available seat was next to me. I was in deep communion with myself … pondering if I should have an ice cream sundae or should I have an ice cream sundae? Well, he said hi and when I looked up and realized it was someone I knew. Two things happened immediately. First was that I noticed he looked rather depressed and secondly, right there and then I also realized I needed to insulate myself up so that his low-spirit does not catch up with me … I ordered an ice cream sundae….do not judge me, it was for my sanity!

We started with the usual small talk, the psychosocial impact of ice cream sundae on the economy and soon enough conversation gravitated towards real life. I asked what was wrong as he seemed downcast. Well, that opened the flood gates! He told me that his business was going downhill and the only person who could save him was his partner and there was no chance of her being interested in saving him as he had just come from seeing a lawyer because the said business partner wanted to pull out of the business and yes, their marriage. His business partner was his wife and she had more shareholding than him.

By this time, my ice cream should have lost its appeal but am glad it did not… that appeal was the one reminder I had that there are still good things in this life!

As we talked I asked what had happened to the business and he said “Nothing.”
I asked what happened to the marriage and he said “Nothing.”
I asked what happened at the lawyers and again, he said, “Nothing.”
I had to get a new angle.
I asked what his wife did in terms of the business and he said, “Everything.”
What about the marriage and the family? He said, “Everything.”
What does she want now? He said, “Everything.”
Again, I needed to change tact or hit him with an empty ice cream sundae bowl. Empty because there is no need to waste good ice cream!
So I asked what he was going to do. He said, “Nothing.”
“But you will loose everything?” I asked.
“I feel nothing.” He responded.

By the way, did I mention that this guy had nothing as I devoured my ice cream sundae? Nothing looked good to him, pun fully intended.

Well, at the end of that conversation, I went away feeling sorry for this guy. You see for him the world was seen in only two lenses, he had nothing, felt nothing, had done nothing, could do nothing and yes, he said it, he was worth nothing. On the other hand, others had everything, could do everything and I am assuming he felt they were worth everything!

Yes, I can imagine the pain of loss, loss of family, loss of business and all other accompanying losses. However, in my humble opinion, loss of self is worse than all this. To me, loss of self includes the inability to feel anything, see anything, want anything, hate anything …. Life becomes nothing!

The flip side could be feel everything, want everything, see everything, hate everything does life then become everything?

Well, given the 2 choices, I would rather be an everythingist than a nothingist.

Yes, there are days when everything goes wrong and everything overwhelms me and everything I touch turns to old but I would still prefer that to nothing.

So even in our discourse with my friends this morning, there were comments that made me feel everything all at once, irritation, amusement and even anger and am sure my friends felt the same way about some of the comments I made. In fact, it is obvious that if they felt nothing about everything I commented, then that conversation would not have gone on and on.

For a nothingist, life means nothing.

Yes, in this life you can be either an everythingist or nothingist. You can be a somethingist. An anythingist. Or even a okeyist. But please do not be a nothingist!!

So yes, I am an everythingist and I will do everything to protect everything that defines me as I uncover everything am supposed to be!

Blessings y’all!

Why I am Angry

Chinua Achebe said that proverbs are the palm wine with which words are spoken. That I agree, because some conversations are so dull without some wine to dull and lull the mind, many would get choked and even more would get shocked.

Then again there can be too much of a good thing as has happened to me recently. I stumbled upon compilation of proverbs and sayings from all continents. And that was the beginning of my problems and by reading this, your problems by extension.

You see, I wanted my words to be swallowed easily aka Chinua Achebe and even if they are not, I figured that if I used enough proverbs, the listeners would be so high on my “palm wine” they will not notice the anger in what I am saying.

That brings me to those that speak to us, sorry at us (read parliamentarians) often and loudly. Yes, politicians seem to be a favorite punching bag for many writers but may be it is because when a head is too big, it cannot avoid punches.

Why all the bickering? You would think that by now they have learnt that a man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement though I guess when one is being carried, he does not care how far the town is. Comical er, sorry, political alliances are being formed daily with hitherto sworn enemies, do they realize that before you go out with a widow, you must first ask her what killed the husband? Have they not learnt the lesson that nobody holds the cow while another milks it?

They spend their 5 year terms disrespecting the poor citizens but that is ok, I hope that I speak on behalf of the same electorate when I say we have learnt better and they might as be warned that just because you are taller than your father, that does not make you older or wiser than him. Indeed, any river that forgets its source will surely dry up. It is time to realize that we the electorate will no longer swallow poison because we are afraid of spitting and offending others!

So we sang the national anthem the other day and yes, many were skeptical … but they forget that it was the heartfelt prayer of many Kenyans being lifted to the heavens. Parliament needs to know that if you see a man going to his farm in kente cloth, do not jump into conclusion that he is very rich, that probably may be the his only cloth available. Remember the men who have been setting themselves ablaze allover Arab countries … they were not doing so because they were feeling cold neither did they do it because they had some extra paraffin!

Lawmakers must listen to Kenyans! Many are jobless, hungry and angry. A small spark can set this dry grass ablaze. Surely, only a madman goes to bed with his roof on fire …just ask Gadaffi and Mubarak!

I know some of you may wonder why the vitriol but I say they are high on power and it is time for us to say to them what Confucius says to those that smoke pot … man who smoke pot might choke on handle!

Blessings y'all!

Tribute to my Grandma

This piece is dedicated to my grandma who passed away at 1am, 19th February, 2011.

As some of already know, my English name is Peris. Well, it is Velesi if you come from Eastern Kenya or Verithi if you are from the slopes of Mount Kenya.

I am named after my maternal grandma and being the oldest grandchild bearing her name, she fondly referred to me as Kavele, a small version of her, a small Peris. Get your mind of my hips she was speaking figuratively and not prophetically!

From this woman I inherited many things, some visible some not so visible. The most visible one is the gap between my teeth. You see she passed it on to my mother and my mother passed it on to me. It is our trademark. No wonder she was apprehensive the time she had to get dentures, she wondered if she would lose “our trademark”! Funny thing is with every time it was passed on, it became bigger and so one day there probably will be a pretty little gal running around with no teeth on her upper jaw …the stuff that dentists’ nightmares are made of! Yet, this was and still is (I insistJ) a symbol of beauty in our Kamba culture and a woman blessed with this gap would assure her father a handsome bride price. Hhmm, I wonder what my husband paid for me ….wait, he is still paying.

But I digress…

My grandma was a simple woman, led a simple life as a faithful, hardworking yet always jovial wife of my late grandfather, Mwengi. Together they brought up their 7 children and instilling in them Christian values as that was all she knew. Her father was a reverend you see, so she really did not know any other way to bring them up. And going by the stories from my mum and her sisters and brothers, my grandma had no qualms beating them all the way into heaven! She never spared the rod, the belt or the slipper.

Growing up, visiting her was something to look forward to. There was always a fruit in season, mangoes, oranges, pawpaws, bananas, guavas and the usual staples of maize, beans and pigeon peas among other things. In hindsight, I realize that now this must have been hard work. This farm was in Kitui and many Kenyans would be forgiven if they think am pulling their leg given that when you hear about Kitui more often than not it is about famine. Did I also mention that she had a herd of goats and cows that she would milk for selling and also for her family needs? She made a great cup of tea and I vividly recall evenings seated on her verandah with stories and tea flowing freely.

Velesi was also the village tailor and she added to the family income by chugging on a manual sewing machine. Oh, how busy she was during the school holidays, just before schools reopened and in December, she was so busy she would have to use a lantern lamp just to ensure that families had brand new clothes for Christmas! I can still see clients waiting in her house on 24th and 31st nights just to ensure that they had new clothes to wear on Christmas and/or new years’ church services. She made clothes for so long that she could no longer thread her needles and had to seek assistance from her grandchildren!

This woman was no wimp. It is obvious she drew her strength from God. His joy was her strength.

This week as we plan to lay her to rest, there shall be no flags flying at half-mast. There shall be no embassies or ambassadors falling over themselves to send condolences. There shall even be no politicians salivating for the freely available audience to pour vitriol on their real or imaginary opponents. There shall be no 21 gun salute by the army in her honor.

But that is only here on earth.

In heaven, there shall be great rejoicing. She fought the good fight. She has run her race.

How can I be so sure you might be asking? You see, in her last few years, she lost her memory and could not even recognize her own kids but once you began singing a hymn or a chorus, her eyes lit up, she smiled and she sang along.

Clearly, when memory of all else was gone, her default mode was Christ and out of the fullness of her belly, when it was out of her control, her mouth spoke, she sang of the faithfulness of Christ.

So as I ponder on the expression that “Susu Velesi went to be with Lord”, I wonder why she had to die to be with the Lord. I know without a doubt that she had been with the Lord right here on earth.

And as we celebrate her life, I cannot help but ask myself what is my default mode? When all cognizance is gone, what shall flow out of my belly?

Is it well with my soul?

Is it well with your soul?

Till we meet again Vele!

AM, BM! (Acronyms Mania, Bite Me!)

We are living in a world obsessed with acronyms. By the way, did any one ever find out if there is an acronym for acronym?

It is almost a given that once something is mentioned twice in the media, we are required to remember what it means because it will no longer by written or even said in full ever again and so if you missed it, you might as well stop watching the news coz you will have no idea what they are talking about!

Think about, there are sooo many acronyms just here in Kenya and so if you are a visitor you are bound to be clueless …NCEC, KACC, PEV, CIC, CIOC,DPP,CJ etc and these are just in the political/ governance arena. You see,these are serious issues and all self-respecting adults are supposed to know what they mean. You know how we Kenyans are all acclaimed political analysts and therefore qualified to offer commentary on topical issues.

Then there are other acronyms that are used on face book / text that leave you more confused than you were before you read that bit of info.
Trying to decipher some of these is WOMBAT (waste of money, brains and time) and will take you to a place WNOHGB (where no one has gone before) in terms of anger! So when you get an sms from anyone who cannot believe that there was a time when all primary school kids were given free milk …. IYKWIMAITYD (if you know what I mean and I think you do) just call him / her back.

The worst kind of course the ones that people think can jump from written to spoken. You meet a friend in town and she (yes shes are the main culprits) bursts, “LTNS! How have you been? Did you CYM? Gotta rush dear but CYO or CYT“

For the uninitiated, she has just said, “Long time no see! How have you been? Did you check your mail? Gotta rush dear but see you online or see you tomorrow!”

The ridiculous are those that do not make sense ….troo for true. I do not get that, still 4 letters or is there a problem with your keyboard??

Finally, IMHEIUO, ILUAAF but IJWTS while am trying to HOYEW, use acronyms that are GRAS because am yet to CUWTA. It is just that the last time I received a message in acronyms on face book, ICILISCOMK and I decided IHA! IGWST with MMHA2U, I will assume URMCYMHMD or you are UCWI!

Get that look off your face, the translation is ...

(Finally, in my high, exalted, informed unassailable opinion, I love you as a friend but I just want to say while am trying to hang on your every word, use acronyms that are generally recognized as safe because am yet to catch up with acronyms! It is just that the last time I received a message in acronyms on face book, I cried, I laughed, I spilt coffee on my keyboard and I decided I hate acronyms! It goes without saying that with my most humble apologies to you, I will assume you are on medication coz you must have missed a dose or you are using a computer while intoxicated!)

BY! (blessings y’all)!

New Year Disillusions

Happy 2011!

Am still getting my bearing into this new year albeit slowly. I am done with the annual ritual of setting resolutions that last all of three weeks into the new and then get forgotten just as fast as they were penned…er, if they were penned to begin with.

So this year, I begin this year with a clear picture of what I intend to not do because that is easier. You see most of the things I intend not do already irritate me so much and getting rid of these habits shall not hurt, at least that is the plan.

Back to my 2011 dissillusions:

1)Lose Weight

Did you know that this is one of the world’s most common new year resolution? Think about it, how many times do I start off on a good note but by March my schedule gets too busy to make time to go to the gym or even make time for exercise?
I am rotund and fed up, ok, wellfed but you get my drift.
Well,2011 will be different!
I am willing to give an arm and a leg to lose weight…, er wait, if I lose an arm and a leg, I will have lost weight right?
Hhmm, fastest weight loss plan I have ever had.

2)Customer Service

Why do organizations hire a whole bunch of people, call them customer service department, agent or team member and not follow up to ensure that this people actually provide service to customers? Shouldn’t they just change that department and give it the more apt, Customer Disservice?
In 2011, I shall deal with Customer Disservice staff using my secret weapon discovered late in 2010. When I am going to sort out an issue that they have been tossing me back and forth about, I visit the head office, carry a thick novel, am talking 1000 pages here. When they say that your case will take some time, a week at least, to resolve, calmly say that is ok, I will wait and whip out your novel. They get so shocked and sort you out in 10 minutes flat. Now you realize that the novel is not for reading it is simply a prop!

3)Daylight Robbery

If you were hoping that this is where I go on and on about the state of insecurity in our country, er wrong blog. I am ranting and raving about more organized crime ... the banks. How do you explain the fact that they built banking halls with up to 6 counters for tellers but only open 2! Time is money and they are stealing my time and do not even get me started on how stuffy the banking halls can get due to the heat.How do they expect me to bank with no air? Or is it a conspiracy to deprive my brain of the energy to even complain?
Before you judge me for not using the atm for my transactions, I have genuine concerns about this. A certain bank I know has G4S guards at the atm machines and they have put up a notice saying that if you have any trouble using the machine, do not ask a stranger, ask the G4S guards on duty. Now given the reputation these guards have, would I not be better off in the hands of a stranger from mars?
I have decided to resolve the bank issue by opening a ground fund. I simply bury my money underground. No withdrawal costs. Open 24-7. No queues. No nothing. And since am the bank manager, we already have a great relationship, huh!

So what disillusions are you harboring this year? Remember the road to disillusions was once paved with good intentions!

Blessings y’all!