Forgiving is not easy.
But what is the alternative? Not forgiving is simply the bitter option.
Unforgiveness means we desire to hurt the people who have wounded us.
It is like the little boy who was sitting on a park bench in obvious agony. A man walking by asked him what was wrong. The boy answered, "I'm sitting on a bumble bee." "Then why don't you get up?" the man asked. The boy replied, "Because I figure that I am hurting him more than he is hurting me!"
In our daily interactions misunderstandings and conflicts are bound to arise. Friends and family will rub you the wrong way. And with certain people, it may not be the first time they do that to you. So it is really not like being stabbed by a friend …it was more twisting of the same knife they used some time back. At those times you are convinced the reason they did not take the knife with them was because they KNEW they will come back and twist it. Malicious aforethought as our learned friends would say.
It is easy to find justifiable grounds to hold a grudge. You are not really holding a grudge, you are just protecting yourself!
But this is what I have learnt from experience, holding a grudge is truly not the way to go. It causes me more damage than good. I lose my inner peace. I am irritable. I feel angry. I feel guilty. And physically, my heart pounds and I get a headache and sometimes a certain “something” in my tummy.
I have learnt that it is better to forgive than to feel emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially and physically sick.
I am cut off from who I am, from who God is and from the person or persons that I am angry with.
I forgive you if your first reaction is to be impressed by me but before you send that recommendation for me to be initiated into sainthood, I will remind you that I am human, fallible and weak.
There have been times when I have been wronged and been so intent on holding on to a wrong done against me.
I say intent because not to forgive is conscious decision.
Forgiving is among the few things for which the good book offers a prescription.
Yes, we have a daily dosage for forgiving on a daily basis, 70 times 7 times a day. I believe that the reason we have this prescribed dosage is not so that we can keep track of the number of times we forgive in a day but it is more to keep us in a state to forgiving on a daily basis.
If you are like me, I enjoy the Galitos bottomless coca cola with their meals but I cannot go and simply seat and order bottomless coke.I must have a meal that meets their terms to qualify for the unlimited coke. In the same way, I cannot simply expect others to obey God on the issue of forgiving and thus be a recipient of their forgiveness. I must also obey God and forgive as well. It is the cycle of life.
I was sufficiently rebuked to learn that by refusing to forgive, I am making several statements loudly and clearly with my actions.
One, that I am worthy of being forgiven but you are not worthy enough to be forgiven by me.
Secondly, that my grudge and holding on to it is more important than restoring my relationship with you. May be even indirectly saying that my grudge is more important than the person I have chosen not to forgive.
And as I have pondered about this, it became obvious to me that being unforgiving is a fruit of pride and self-righteousness.
I should base my forgiveness on what God has done for me, not on what another person has done to me.
Realizing how completely I am forgiven should produce in me free and generous attitude of forgiveness towards others. Indeed, when I do not forgive, I set myself outside and above God’s law of love.
So go on …forgive.
I am learning to let go and forgive.
In fact I can say when it comes to forgiving … I was blind but now I squint.
